


And There's That Pesky Thing Called Reality

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-08
Updated: 2012-05-08
Packaged: 2017-11-05 01:35:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/400472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared wishes he had the life of Sam and Dean Winchester but unfortunately they are fictional characters in a series of books. Instead he's stuck working at the library with only his imagination for company. When he breaks his leg in an accident his life goes from mundane to just plain boring, until he finds himself in posession of a computer. Pretty soon he's fully immersed in the crazy world of Supernatural fandom. It's just lucky for him he has resident BNF Jensen to hold his hand through it all. Now if they could just get over the fact that Jared thinks Jensen is a girl everything would be awesome.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And There's That Pesky Thing Called Reality

_The horseman cracked a smile that showed yellow teeth and a blackened tongue. If Dean hadn’t already known he was facing Famine, he’d have sworn he was looking Death in the face._

_“Oh, you can smirk and joke and lie to your brother, lie to yourself, but not to me. I can see inside you, Dean. I can see how broken you are. How defeated. You can’t win and you know it but you just keep fighting, just keep going through the motions. You’re not hungry, Dean, because inside you’re already dead._

Jared swallowed hard and glanced at the clock hanging on the wall in his kitchen. Shit, he really should have left already, but he _had_ to get to the end of this chapter. This book wasn’t going the way he’d expected at all. It had started off so violently, with the couple tearing into and devouring each other, but then it had got kind of funny when Cupid showed up. This stuff at the end was just so dark, though, he wasn’t even sure he was enjoying reading it any more. Not because it wasn’t well written but because it was so damn painful. He could just imagine Dean there, alone and surrounded by his enemies as Famine tore into his soul. Dean would never admit it to anyone, of course, but Jared could tell he knew that Famine was right.

He sighed. He should really have come to expect the crushing angst by now. If there was one thing Joshua Mackenzie knew how to do well it was kick the shit out of his characters, emotionally as well as physically. Jared had found himself wondering more than once whether the author was some kind of sadist who got off on torturing his characters.

Just as his eyes drifted back to the page to find out how Dean was going to respond (Jared couldn’t quite decide whether it was going to be a single perfect tear or a serious ass-kicking) his phone chirped to tell him he had a text message. 

_Please tell me you’re right outside the door and you have coffee – Jeff_

Jared’s eyes flitted back to the clock. Shit, he really was late, but he’d have time to make it to work and grab coffee on the way if he ran.

The book would have to wait.

* * *

“I owe you my firstborn,” Jeff smiled when Jared practically crashed into the library one minute before nine-thirty, miraculously managing not to spill either of the coffees he was carrying. “And congratulations for not being late. How far did you have to run today?”

“Pretty much all the way,” Jared panted as he collapsed into one of the chairs behind the counter. “And I had to call ahead with the coffee order so it would be ready when I got there.”

Jared actually didn’t think Jeff would have given a shit if he’d been late. The place wasn’t exactly swamped but he hated to take advantage of his boss’s laid back nature. Jeff was one of those sorts of guys who didn’t really give a crap what his employees got up to so long as the work got done. Jared’s job might be boring as hell but it could be a lot worse. Like the last place he’d worked at where his boss had timed how long he took to go to the bathroom and forced him to make up the lost minutes at the end of the week.

As soon as he had his breath back he shrugged out of his coat and gulped down his now lukewarm coffee. He had a stack of book orders to process and there was no time like the present.

* * *

“So, how’s the latest Mackenzie masterpiece?” Jeff asked during their morning break. There was the usual mocking tone to his voice that always accompanied these discussions. Jeff was an awesome boss, but he was kind of snooty when it came to books. He was of the opinion that a book wasn’t worth reading unless it had been at least shortlisted for some sort of literary award.

Jared shrugged. “It’s good. Nearly finished now, though.”

He tended to avoid these conversations because he knew when a battle was lost before it had even started. For a while he’d tried to convince Jeff to at least give Woman in White a try but there was only so much criticism of the genre he could listen to before he’d just stopped asking.

“Good,” Jeff beamed. “That means maybe you’ll actually have time for one of the many good books that I’ve loaned you recently.”

Jared ignored him and Jeff didn’t press the issue. It was a comfortable arrangement that they both found worked. Jeff considered that he’d won the argument and Jared got to spend the rest of his break in peace and not being lectured on the artistic merit of an author only ten people had even heard of.

* * *

Just after lunch Misha showed up and Jared was pretty relieved. There was only so much time in a day he could stomach listening to teenage girls giggling about _Twilight_. What made it worse was when they made some awkward (and sometimes just scarily forward) attempts to flirt with him. Apparently the Pride bracelet on his wrist meant nothing to them.

He figured he should be glad these girls were reading, even if it was _Twilight_ , but really he wanted to give them all a copy of _Fevre Dream_ if they were interested in vampire fiction and to point out that Edward Cullen really wasn’t perfect boyfriend material.

Misha was one of the regulars at the library, coming in at least once a week to check out something new. What Jared loved was the total randomness of Misha’s selections. It was always a mix of fiction and non-fiction. One week it was Jane Austen and tantric sex (not together, but that might have given _Persuasion_ a whole new meaning) and the next week it was J.K. Rowling and carpentry. Jared still hadn’t really figured Misha out but it kept things interesting and he liked that.

Today it was Clive Barker and The Indigenous Species of Sri Lanka.

“Going on vacation?” Jared asked as he scanned the books in. 

“Just got back,” Misha replied. 

Now that he mentioned it, Jared did notice that Misha was looking a bit more tanned than usual. 

“Although,” Misha continued, “it was touch and go for a while. Did a stint in prison for using an ecological preserve as a bombing range. It all turned out okay in the end, though, and I managed to escape.”

“Thank God,” Jared replied without missing a beat. He was pretty much used to Misha’s somewhat unique sense of humor now.

Jeff thought Misha was some sort of mentally disturbed compulsive liar, but Jared knew better. Misha just liked to make things interesting, and there was always a sparkle in his eyes when he started on one of his weird stories.

“So, I thought I’d do a bit of research on the friend who helped me escape,” Misha deadpanned. He pulled out his phone and showed Jared a picture of himself with a small monkey. There was always a kernel of truth to Misha’s stories, which just made them more fun.

“Maybe you could set up a wildlife sanctuary for him to say thanks,” Jared suggested with a smile. “Or, you know, at least plant a tree for him or something.”

“It’s a definite possibility,” Misha agreed. “See you next week.”

The rest of the day passed pretty quietly and while Jared listened to Mrs. Bowen talking endlessly about the birds that lived in her garden he thought about _My Bloody Valentine_ and wondered how the book was going to end.

* * *

He almost tripped over Harley and Sadie, who launched themselves at him as soon as he opened the front door, tails wagging while they whimpered excitedly.

“Hey guys,” Jared laughed as he crouched down to rub Harley’s belly and scratch behind Sadie’s ears. “You two need to go out?”

As soon as they heard the O word the dogs scrambled back to their feet and raced to the back door, bouncing up and down as Jared walked over to them.

As soon as the door was open they charged outside to do their business. Anyone would think they’d been stuck inside for days instead of a few hours. He shook his head and left the door open as he headed into the kitchen to make himself some coffee. This was the part of the day he’d been looking forward to since he left for work that morning.

Harley and Sadie trotted back inside when he called them and after he’d treated them to a biscuit they quickly hopped onto the couch and went to sleep. They knew this was Jared’s quiet time and were happy to nap for the duration.

Jared folded himself into his favourite armchair. It had been a housewarming gift from his grandmother. Sometimes, even though she had been dead for five years and the chair had been in his house a lot longer than that, he still imagined he could smell her lavender perfume when he sat in it. The chair reminded him of when he’d been little and used to sit on her lap and listen to her read stories to him about knights and dragons.

He pulled out _My Bloody Valentine_ from his bag. He was only a couple of chapters from the end now which meant that after today he’d have to find something else to read until the next book was published.

Best to savor these last few pages, then. He took a sip of his coffee and opened the book. Moments later he was back in Sam and Dean’s world and nothing else mattered.

_It was quiet outside, with nothing around but the empty carcasses of dozens of cars. Like Dean they had been stripped of everything that had defined them, leaving rusted broken shells behind. That was all Dean was now, a shell of his former self. Famine had seen it and confirmed what Dean had felt for a long time._

_There were thousands of stars littering the night sky, each of them a sun in its own right. Castiel had once used the existence of the stars as a reason to believe that God was out there. He’d told Dean there was too much natural beauty and wonder in the universe for God to not care about it. Dean had laughed at the time and made a joke, but right now his body ached with the sheer need for Castiel to be right._

_They were screwed, he knew that, and with each passing day he wondered more and more why they were bothering to fight it at all. This thing, the freaking apocalypse, was huge. Bigger than all of them put together. Was it arrogant of them to think they could stop it on their own?_

_His brother was going through detox again and there wasn’t a damn thing Dean could do except listen to his screams. Castiel was getting more and more human by the day. They all knew it even if none of them would say it. Pretty soon he was going to be just a regular guy. Someone else depending on Dean for help that he didn’t think he could provide._

_His eyes drifted upwards, to a Heaven he wasn’t sure existed and a God he was pretty damned certain wasn’t listening._

_“Please. I ca-“ The word stuck in his throat. Even now, under the crushing weight of adversity, he couldn’t admit it out loud. “I need some help. Please.”_

_God wasn’t answering._

Jared closed the book slowly and put it down next to the chair. 

Wow.

He took a deep breath and sat there for a minute, just listening to the steady ticking of the clock behind him. He always got too involved in these books. Not for the first time, Jared wished nothing more than for Dean Winchester to be real just so he could give the guy a damn hug. Not that he thought for one second that Dean would even remotely appreciate being glomped by a six foot five gay guy.

He shook his head and snorted softly as he imagined the look of horror on Dean’s face and glanced over at Harley and Sadie who were still sleeping on the couch. He needed to get out and brush the cobwebs away. Maybe a run would do him some good.

“You guys want to go to the park?”

Harley and Sadie’s heads shot up immediately and seconds later the excited barking started.

Jared took that as a yes.

* * *

He loved running almost as much as he loved immersing himself in the Supernatural books. There was just something about the air rushing past him and the sound of his own heart pounding in his chest that made him feel alive. 

Harley and Sadie ran alongside him, happily chasing each other while Jared did a few circuits. It was a warm evening and he didn’t have any place to be so he’d slowed down to a jog and added a couple of extra laps to give Harley and Sadie some extra time.

There was a drinking fountain at one end of the park and he decided he’d stop when he got to it this time and head home for dinner. Alone, as usual. 

Most of the time he didn’t mind. He kind of liked the quiet. Meal times were the worst, though. That was when he really wished he had someone to talk to. 

It wasn’t that he had problems talking to people. He loved it, in fact. The best part of his job was talking to people about what they were reading and learning a bit more about them. The problem was he never seemed to connect to anyone. Like, he knew instinctively the right thing to say to people to keep the conversation going and sound interested in what they were saying, but he didn’t really have anything in common with any of them. His two main hobbies were working out and reading the Supernatural books, and he didn’t know anyone else who even liked them. Even Misha, whom Jared thought he could maybe be friends with if he saw him for more than ten minutes a week, was pretty far out of Jared’s zone.

Jeff was more like a father to him than anything, not that he’d ever tell him that of course. He valued his life.

“Come on,” he said, half to the dogs and half to himself. “Let’s go home.”

He clipped leashes on Harley and Sadie when they got outside the park. They didn’t like it and did their best to pull him along as soon as he let go of them. Jeff had told him that he needed to take them to obedience classes but Jared didn’t have the heart to do it. He hated the idea of punishing them if they did something wrong. Besides, they were well behaved for the most part and they didn’t bark or try to bite anyone.

They got to Jared’s street and started to walk back towards the house when Harley started to growl, which immediately set Sadie off too.

“Hey,” Jared warned, jiggling their leashes to get their attention. “Settle down.”

Harley barked, his hackles rising as he crouched down low. Sadie copied him.

“What’s gotten into you two?” Then he spotted Gus on the other side of the street.

Gus was the ginger tom that belonged to Jared’s neighbour. He was a vicious thing that always took a swipe at the dogs whenever they passed each other. Jared had wound up at the vet more than once to get bloody scratches on his babies fixed up.

Sadie growled again, low in her throat, and let out another bark.

“Easy, guys,” Jared soothed, crouching down between them and rubbing their heads. “You’re not going to let Mrs. Lassiter think you two are scared of a little kitty, are you?”

Apparently not. Harley and Sadie had evidently decided that there was safety in numbers and before Jared could stop them they charged, sending Gus scurrying for the safety of his house.

Unfortunately, Jared still had hold of their leashes and although he was strong and worked out every day, when two large dogs decided they wanted to move he had no choice but to be dragged along by their combined weight.

As they yanked him across the street, he heard the screech of brakes before he saw the car bearing down on him and he heard the thunk of it striking his body before he sailed backwards and landed in a heap.

_Shit, I just got hit by a car._

That was pretty much his only thought before there was nothing.

* * *

Waking up was far less painful than he’d expected and Jared realised with a surprising level of calm that he must be dead. He lay there for a moment with his eyes still closed and wondered what the afterlife was going to be like when he opened them. The Supernatural books had never really gone into detail about what Heaven was like. Jared had always imagined a nice garden and his grandmother would be there. She loved flowers.

He cracked open one eye. White walls, white ceiling. Not a garden then. Maybe Heaven was going for a more minimalist look.

He opened the other eye and groaned softly when he saw Jeff. Well, he wasn’t dead so that had to be a good thing.

“When you get out of here you’re making someone else your emergency contact,” Jeff growled. “I’m too old to be dealing with this amount of stress. You’re lucky I didn’t have a heart attack.”

“Sorry,” Jared replied and, shit, was that his voice? It sounded so raspy and broken. “What happened?”

“Apparently nobody taught you how to cross the street when you were at school. Didn’t they explain that you have to look both ways?”

Jared blinked. Everything was kind of fuzzy as he tried to think back to the last thing he remembered.

“Jeff! My dogs!” Jared sat up as he suddenly remembered how he’d come to be in the middle of the street. “Are Harley and Sadie okay?”

“Relax.” Jeff petted his arm awkwardly. “They’re fine. They’re at my place and driving me nuts so the sooner you get out of here the better.”

Jared slumped back onto the bed and let out a shaky sigh. “They’re okay. Thank God.”

“They might be okay, but you’re not. I told you that you needed to get those mutts some training.” Jeff leaned forward in his seat, mouth tight with annoyance but eyes filled with concern. “You’re lucky you only wound up with a busted leg.”

Jared raised his head and glanced down. His entire left leg below the knee was coated in plaster. Huh.

“Doc says you’re going to be out of action for at least eight weeks,” Jeff said when Jared reached out to poke at his leg. “I’ve already asked the others to put in some extra hours so don’t worry about that, okay?”

Jared nodded his head, still trying to take it all in. Eight weeks? That was two months. That was a hell of a long time to be off work. What the hell was he going to do with himself?

Jeff flashed what Jared guessed was supposed to be a reassuring smile. “Hey, at least you’ll have plenty of time to read all those books I loaned you.”

Jared dropped his head back onto the pillow and closed his eyes, half hoping that when he opened them again it would turn out that he actually was dead.

* * *

“Hi,” Misha smiled brightly when Jared opened his eyes again. “I heard about what happened so I thought I’d come and visit you. Your boss didn’t seem very interested in listening to me explain the medicinal benefit of tea and biscuits.”

Jared blinked at him.

“So, anyway, he told me to tell you that he’s going to take care of your dogs until you get out of here. I didn’t know you had dogs. I’ve always been more of a cat person myself.”

“A cat was what landed me here in the first place,” Jared grumbled but was prevented from commenting any further by the doctor bustling into the room.

“Well, Mr. Padalecki, I think you’re about ready to leave us,” the doctor said as he looked through Jared’s chart. “Someone will be down in a few minutes to talk about your pain medication and to discuss future appointments. Just make sure you get plenty of rest for now and no walking on that leg unless it’s absolutely necessary. Is there someone we can call to drive you home?”

“I’ll take him,” Misha chimed in, causing Jared to stare at him in surprise.

“Great.” The doctor smiled, apparently not seeing the look on Jared’s face. “Well, it shouldn’t be too much longer.”

Jared was still staring at Misha when the doctor left, humming some old song to himself as he moved down to the next room.

“What?” Misha asked when he spotted Jared staring at him.

“No offense, man, but why are you offering me a ride home? I mean, I barely know you.”

The more he thought about it, the more creeped out he was. Misha seemed like an okay guy but you never really knew. He could be a psychotic rapist or murderer for all Jared knew, and he really didn’t want to be raped or murdered.

Misha shrugged. “I’ve got nowhere else to be. Would you rather someone else take you?”

Jared considered calling Jeff until he remembered his boss was at work.

“I might just take a cab,” Jared finally said weakly.

“Don’t be stupid,” Misha replied. “I don’t mind taking you. Or are you afraid for your virtue?”

“And my life,” Jared muttered.

Misha laughed. “Well, whatever you want. The offer stands if you want it, though.”

Jared looked at Misha again, who was now leaning back in his chair and tapping something into his phone. He didn’t _look_ like a killer or a rapist, and he figured sitting around in the hospital probably wasn’t how a psycho would work.

“Well, I guess if you really don’t mind. . .” Jared finally said and Misha grinned as he slipped his phone back into his pocket.

“Your timing is quite good, really. I was thinking of replacing my car with a pony to be more environmentally friendly. What do you think?”

Jared snorted. Yeah, Misha was crazy, but not the scary kind of crazy. “I think you can do whatever you want so long as you do it after you’ve taken me home. I think riding a horse might be kind of tricky with a cast on my leg.”

“Mmm, you have a point,” Misha agreed thoughtfully. “Well, maybe tomorrow.”

A woman arrived at that moment and handed Jared a prescription with instructions on how to take the pills and a card with the note of his next appointment to get his leg checked. After that they were free to go.

“You need some help getting dressed?” Misha asked with a sly grin.

“I. . .um. . .no, I’m good, thanks.”

He had no idea whether Misha was actually hitting on him or whether he was just screwing around. It was kind of hard to tell with him.

Misha wasn’t exactly unattractive, and he was fun, but Jared really wasn’t interested in him in that way. He was still looking for the right guy. Someone he could share a connection with, someone who got him.

“Look, Misha. . .”

Misha grinned. “Relax, I was just kidding.”

He held up a hand to show a wedding band on his finger and Jared relaxed. “Oh, sorry man. I just thought. . .”

“Hey, don’t get me wrong. If I wasn’t married I would absolutely be hitting on you right now.” Misha smiled. “Now, do you want some help getting dressed if I promise not to molest you. . . much?”

Jared laughed. “Nah, I’m still good, thanks. Need to get used to getting dressed with this thing anyway.”

Misha nodded. “No problem. How about I wait outside and you shout when you’re ready to go?”

“Works for me.”

* * *

Getting dressed wasn’t too much of a problem once Jared got his balance sorted out. As well as a broken leg he was also bruised pretty much all over and that caused him more trouble than the cast did. Thank God for painkillers, was all he could say.

When he got out into the corridor Misha had acquired a set of crutches from somewhere which made hobbling to the parking lot a little easier, but by the time they got to Misha’s car he was exhausted.

“I’m really glad you didn’t get that pony,” he panted as he sat down.

“I’m starting to think it might be a little impractical for getting around the city,” Misha agreed. “I’ll have to rethink.”

It didn’t take them long to get back to Jared’s house and Misha helped him inside and got him settled on the couch. It was weirdly quiet without the dogs there to greet him.

“You need anything?” Misha asked.

Jared shook his head. “Nah, I think I’m good. Thanks for the ride, though. I really appreciate it.” 

“No problem.”

Misha’s eyes were roaming the room now and it made Jared feel kind of uncomfortable, like he was being judged by his choice of décor or something. Yeah, the place needed a bit of work but he did what he could with the small amount of spare cash he had.

“You’ve got a lot of books,” Misha finally said. He didn’t sound judgmental exactly, more like fascinated, and that just made Jared feel even more uncomfortable. It was as though Misha was getting a feel for his entire life.

“I like to read,” he replied with a shrug. “I work in a library. It can’t be that much of a surprise.”

“And I’m guessing you don’t watch a lot of TV either,” Misha observed, gesturing at the small TV which was half buried under piles of yet more books.

“I’m probably going to have to start,” Jared sighed. “Eight weeks stuck here.”

“I can recommend a few entertaining websites if that helps,” Misha offered.

“Thanks, but I don’t have a computer.”

It was the first time Jared had ever seen Misha look surprised by anything.

“You don’t have a computer?” 

“Well, I don’t exactly need one,” Jared replied, gesturing at all the books. “I have e-mail at work and if I want to look something up I use an encyclopedia.”

Misha flashed him a smile that made him even more uncomfortable than the leering one at the hospital. It was devious and mysterious and made him feel nervous. “You know there’s more to the internet than e-mailing and research, right?”

Jared shrugged. “I guess. I’ve never really looked into it, to be honest.”

That just made Misha’s smile wider. “Okay, well, I should go.”

“Uh, okay.”

“I’ll see you soon, though.”

Somehow when Misha said that it sounded more like a threat.

* * *

“I brought you something,” Misha announced when he turned up unexpectedly at Jared’s place the next day.

“Um. . .” It was early and Jared hadn’t really woken up yet.

“Well, it’s more like a few somethings really.”

He opened the back door to his car and Harley and Sadie leapt out, barking excitedly as they charged towards Jared.

“Hey!” Jared smiled as the dogs skidded to a halt in front of him and proceeded to sniff him mercilessly. “I missed you.”

He frowned a little when he realised his leg prevented him from crouching down and rubbing their bellies so he had to settle for petting their heads instead. Sadie seemed to know something wasn’t quite right and she sniffed the cast before letting out a soft whine.

“I’m okay, girl,” Jared reassured her gently as he scratched behind her ears where she liked it.

“I mentioned to your boss that I was coming over to see you and he asked if I’d mind delivering the dogs,” Misha explained.

It was kind of weird that Misha had somehow managed to win Jeff over in a few days like that, but he was starting to realize that when he put his mind to it, Misha could charm anyone into doing pretty much anything.

“So, I brought you something else,” Misha said as they went into the house and he handed Jared a dark blue backpack. “My wife just got a new computer for her job so I thought you might want to borrow the old one while you’re stuck at home. There’s a whole world out there that you’re missing.”

Jared looked at the bag like it was some sort of curse box. “Dude, I can’t accept a computer.”

“It’s just a loan,” Misha said as he took the bag back and maneuvered past Jared so he could set the computer up on Jared’s desk. “Come on, I’ll show you how to work it.”

“I know how to work a computer,” Jared sighed as he hobbled over to peer around Misha’s shoulder. “We have them at work, you know.”

“Yeah, but I’m going to show you some of the fun places to go.”

Jared sighed again and eased himself down into the chair. He had a feeling it was going to be a long morning.

* * *

“I don’t get it.”

“What’s not to get? You post about what you’re doing and it has to be a hundred and forty characters or less.”

“But why? Why would anyone want to read about my boring life?”

Misha shrugged. “Make stuff up. That’s what I do.”

Misha had been trying to explain the merits of Twitter for about twenty minutes now and Jared was no closer to thinking it was anything more than a total waste of time. Even if he made stuff up he couldn’t see why anyone would want to read about it.

“Forget it,” Misha finally sighed and Jared almost felt bad for putting the defeated look on his face. “I’ll leave you to find your own way around. Do you want me to come by in the morning and walk your dogs for you?”

Shit! He hadn’t even thought about how he was going to walk Harley and Sadie while his leg was in a cast. He sure as hell couldn’t do it himself and he couldn’t afford to hire anyone. Maybe Jeff would be able to help out because he really didn’t want to rely on Misha when they didn’t know each other that well.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll sort something out.”

Misha shrugged. “It’s no trouble. I’m doing some work on the house at the moment so I’d kind of like an excuse to get out of there for an hour or so each day.”

Jared was seriously starting to wonder whether this guy was for real or not.

“So, you’re a builder?”

“Kind of. I do a lot of stuff, but I can assure you I am more than qualified to walk your dogs for you.”

Harley and Sadie were currently snuffling around Misha’s ankles with wagging tails so clearly they had no problem with him.

“Okay, I guess, if you’re sure you don’t mind.”

“I’m sure. I’ll come over at ten if that’s okay with you.”

“Sure.”

Misha flashed him another grin and let himself out. Jared wondered when his life had got this weird.

* * *

Misha hadn’t been kidding when he’d said there was a whole world on the internet. Jared had spent a crazy amount of time on Wikipedia just clicking on random links and amazing himself at the amount of information just on that one site. Then he’d given Facebook a try but the only interesting thing he’d got from that was a mild amount of amusement that his best friend from school was now married to a girl still in her teens.

He’d messed around with Twitter for a bit but still didn’t really get the appeal. He was already being followed by several entrepreneurs who seemed to think that he needed some sort of magic scheme to generate more followers. The whole thing was weird, particularly Misha’s account which seemed to be yet more of the weird stories he told when he came into the library. Right now he was apparently declaring war on some teenage pop star.

Once he got bored with that he moved onto Google. He’d done the obvious and googled his own name which had turned up nothing. Although weirdly there was a Jason Paladecki working as a small-time actor in Canada, which Google seemed to think must be whom Jared was searching for.

But then he found himself getting bored again. So much for Misha’s idea that having the internet in his home would keep him amused for weeks. He sighed and leaned back in his chair.

That was when his eyes landed on _My Bloody Valentine_ , still on the table where he’d left it.

He put Joshua Mackenzie’s name into Google.

_1,350,000 results_

Uh, wow.

He clicked on the first link, which went to the official website. It was pretty standard stuff. A small bio that didn’t really tell him anything except that Joshua lived in the US with his dog and that the Supernatural books had been nominated for some minor sci-fi and fantasy awards but as of yet hadn’t actually won anything. What caught Jared’s eye was the fan forum. It had never even occurred to him to look for other fans before.

He clicked on the link.

_Sam & Dean r totally f**king!1_

Jared stared. It was the first topic in the forum and had pages of replies. He had to be reading it wrong. Sam and Dean were _brothers._

He hesitated for a moment and then clicked, hoping that if he wasn’t reading it wrong that at least everyone else would be yelling at the crazy person.

Not so much.

Pages and pages of comments, all in agreement that Joshua Mackenzie clearly thought Sam and Dean were having an incestuous relationship and it was only the evil publishers that were preventing it from happening explicitly in the books.

Some people had even drawn pictures.

Jared shuddered and hastily hit the back button. Now he was _really_ starting to think this internet thing was a bad idea.

He decided to try one more link, and if that was just as bad then he was done.

This one took him to a site called livejournal and a group called supernaturalfans. He was almost scared to look.

The top post, he was relieved to find, was a review of _My Bloody Valentine_ and it actually seemed pretty sane and normal. There was no talk about Sam and Dean’s gay love for each other, which Jared considered to be a good start, and whoever had written the post had made some good points about Dean’s state of mind at the end of the book.

He bookmarked the page and decided to check back later and see what else was on the site. But first he really needed to eat and take his meds.

* * *

He was already sitting at the computer when Misha arrived the next day to collect Harley and Sadie. This livejournal thing was actually pretty good. Some of the stuff these guys were coming up with was brilliant and they really put a lot of thought into the characters and their motivations.

“Shut up,” Jared grumped when Misha smirked at him while he put the leashes on the dogs.

“I didn’t say anything,” Misha pointed out as he opened the front door.

“You didn’t need to,” Jared replied but Misha was already gone.

His eyes went back to the screen and his fingers tapped lightly on the desk. He’d decided early that morning that he wanted to have a go at posting something, but now that he was here he’d quickly found he had no idea what to say. This wasn’t like sending an e mail to his mom. He was sending a message to a bunch of people he didn’t know. What if they laughed at him or thought he was stupid?

He took a steadying breath and started to type.

_Subject: Hi_

_Hi everyone. I’m pretty new to this whole internet thing but I’m a huge fan of the Supernatural books. It’s really awesome to see that I’m not the only fan and you guys have some really interesting stuff to say._

_Got nothing to contribute at the moment but I got done reading My Bloody Valentine a few days ago so I might have something to say about that when I’ve had time to think._

He clicked the post button and leaned back in his seat. It was stupid how nervous he felt about whether these faceless names liked him or not, but it was kind of a big deal. He’d never met anyone who liked the same stuff he did before.

He sat there, sipped his coffee, and wondered if there were any other sites he should try when an e mail popped up in his inbox. It was a reply to his post from someone called 69_impala.

_Re: Hi_

_Welcome! We’re a pretty friendly bunch. I was going to ask you if you wrote fanfic but I guess if you’re an internet newbie then you probably don’t._

_The mods are pretty awesome so if you’ve got any questions just ask. Wasn’t My Bloody Valentine awesome? I just about cried at the end._

Jared smiled. He didn’t understand all of what she was saying, particularly the stuff about modifications and fanfic, but she seemed friendly enough. He knocked out a quick reply thanking her for the welcome and then hobbled into the kitchen to make a fresh pot of coffee for when Misha got back.

While he listened to the coffee maker bubbling away he found himself composing his next post in his head, which was kind of worrying considering he’d only just done one. He was starting to understand how people managed to get addicted to the internet.

From what he could tell, most of the other fans seemed focussed on Dean’s emotions in the last book. Jared was more interested in Sam, and not just in how his bloody addiction and subsequent detox affected Dean.

He grabbed some paper and started scribbling a few thoughts down.

The next thing he knew Harley and Sadie had charged into the kitchen and both stuck their heads in their water bowl, lapping loudly.

“They sure like to run,” Misha said as he joined them in the kitchen. “I can see why you’re as buff as you are.”

Jared passed him a mug of coffee. “Yeah, well, I won’t be after six weeks of not being able to work out.”

“You’ll be okay. Besides, you already seem to be amusing yourself with the computer.”

“Yeah, I guess there’s some pretty interesting stuff out there.”

To his credit, Misha didn’t say ‘I told you so’. Instead he gulped down the rest of his coffee and handed the empty mug back to Jared with a grateful smile.

“Well, I’d better get back to the house. The walls aren’t going to plaster themselves. Same time tomorrow?”

“Only if you want to,” Jared replied. “Seriously, you don’t have to do this.”

Misha shrugged. “So long as I get some coffee out of it, we’re good. See you tomorrow.”

The front door had barely closed when Jared was back at the computer typing out what he’d written down about Sam, particularly how everyone seemed to be focussed on Sam giving into his cravings when really they should be looking at the strength it took for him to turn it against Famine.

He hit the post button and shut down the computer. It had taken him an hour to make the post, and he felt kind of good about it, but he really needed to do something else with his time now.

He shifted over to the armchair and pulled out one of the books from the pile that Jeff had loaned him. After ten minutes of staring at the first page he put it back on the pile and went back over to the computer.

It wasn’t that he was addicted, he told himself as he waited for it to boot back up. He just wanted to know if anyone had said anything about his post. That was all.

He had fifteen new e mails.

Whoa.

Most of them seemed to be livejournal friend requests, and there were a few comments to his post as well. He clicked on the first one which was from a user called the_jackle.

_Really interesting post. You’re one of the few people who has looked at this book from Sam’s perspective, and I think you’ve pretty much nailed what he was going through here._

Jared grinned. He’d been kind of worried that his post was going to wind up having all of Dean’s fans jumping on his head. He liked Dean; he just found Sam a more interesting character.

He quickly typed a reply.

_It’s a shame that Sam can’t see his own strength, but I think that’s part of his journey. He’ll see it in the end, or I hope so at least. I guess it’s part of Dean’s journey now too and ties in with the conversation they had in Fallen Idols about Dean needing to let Sam be his own man and not just the little brother. Can’t wait to see what happens in the next book._

The next comment in his e mail was from iheartsam.

_OMG! I can’t believe the_jackle replied to you on your second post! Jealous! (Kidding. Mostly.)_

_Jared blinked in surprise._

__Why are you jealous? Did I mention I’m pretty new to this thing? Who is the_jackle?_ _

_It only took a few minutes for a reply to pop up._

__the_jackle_ is a total BNF in this fandom. You’ll soon get to know the name. She writes loads of awesome meta and some great fanfic too. Check out her journal._

Most of the comment made no sense at all to Jared and he made a mental note to look up what all the words he didn’t understand meant. But he clicked on the link to the_jackle’s journal to take a look at what the big deal was.

She didn’t seem to post very often. Only once or twice a month, going by the recent entries. There were a few posts about the characters, similar to the one about Sam Jared had just done, but what really captured his attention were the stories. This girl had written stories about Sam and Dean, and not the incest stories like the ones he’d seen on that other site. Each story had comments numbering into the hundreds which made him think they must be worth reading.

He clicked on the most recent one which had been posted about a month ago and from the summary was about the time Sam and Dean had spent apart prior to the events of _Free To Be You And Me_.

It wasn’t long, only a couple of thousand words, but by the end Jared was practically aching for more. It was perfect. Just like reading one of the books, in fact.

He sat there for a couple of minutes and then clicked on the next story.

By the time he’d read them all he was seriously considering turning straight so he could find this girl and marry her. Her stories were amazing and Jared wasn’t even sure he had the words to tell her how great he thought they were. Besides, she already had pages and pages of feedback for each one so he just scrolled up to the latest entry and just left one comment.

_Hey,_

_Just wanted to say thanks for replying to my post earlier. I’m still getting my head around this whole livejournal thing but I just wanted to say that I read the stories in your journal today and I loved them._

It was pretty late, Jared realised after he’d hit the submit button. He’d been reading the_jackle’s stories until way past when he usually had dinner.

God, he was going to be one of those people who died because they got so addicted to the internet they forgot to eat or sleep for three days. He could just see the newspaper headline now. 

_Internet Addict Eaten By Dogs._

He quickly shut down the computer and went to fix himself some dinner.

* * *

He made a point of not looking at the computer again for the rest of the evening. After dinner he watched some TV and made another attempt to start reading the book Jeff had given him. Unfortunately, it was pretty dry and he soon found his mind wandering back to Sam and Dean. Those stories he’d read had really fired him up.

He’d never really considered what happened between the books or even between the scenes before but now he’d started thinking about it he couldn’t switch it off.

Maybe tomorrow he’d have a go at writing some of it down, but probably not. What was the point when there was such good stuff out there already? Nothing he could ever come up with would come close to that.

“Bedtime, guys,” he murmured to the dogs and he hobbled over to the fold out cot he’d set up in the living room. It was easier to sleep on that than to try to navigate the stairs. His back was killing him, though, and he couldn’t wait to get the damn cast off his leg. Two days down and loads more to go.

As he tried to sleep, he started to think about Sam and Dean again and when he eventually drifted off he dreamed that he was hunting with them but couldn’t keep up because of the cast on his leg.

* * *

He waited until Misha had left the next morning before he turned on the computer and headed straight for his e-mail. A few more friend requests and some more comments on his post about Sam but nothing from the_jackle. He was kind of disappointed but he accepted that she, unlike him, had a life outside of Sam and Dean which was why she didn’t post very often.

He read through the recent posts on supernaturalfans and tried a few more of the stories that had been posted. Some of them were okay, one of them was pretty decent but nothing grabbed him the way the_jackle did.

He sighed. The idea he’d had for a story about what prompted Sam to say yes to Lucifer in _The End_ was still fresh in his mind. He fired up Word. It wasn’t like he had to share it with anyone, anyway. He could just write it for himself and get it out of his system.

Three hours later Jared’s first piece of fanfiction was on the internet. 

* * *

He had to admit he’d been really pleased with the number of nice comments he’d got in reply to his story (or fic as he’d quickly learned most people called these things). It was the first time he’d written anything since he’d graduated from high school and he honestly hadn’t expected anyone to like it. He’d done his best to keep it on the same lines as the book, though, and he’d found that imagining himself as Joshua Mackenzie had helped a lot.

Harley wandered over and rested his head on Jared’s lap before letting out a small whine. Either he wanted to go out or he wanted his dinner. Possibly both.

“Okay, boy, let’s get you sorted out.”

He let the dogs out while he fixed their dinner and when he got back to the computer he had one new comment. It was from the_jackle.

_Nice work for a first attempt. In my mind this is pretty much exactly how it happened._

He had another ten friend requests five minutes after that.

* * *

By the next morning Jared had a whole stream of ideas for more fanfiction and the main problem he had now was trying to figure out which one he wanted to write first. His whole body was buzzing with excitement at the possibilities. Most of his ideas were based around the more recent books since those were the most fresh in his mind, but he did have a few things he wanted to explore from the older books. Like how Sam and Dean came up with Funkytown as a codeword for being in trouble.

He couldn’t wait to get started. He’d had pretty positive responses to his last story, although he wasn’t sure how much of that was down to the_jackle saying she’d enjoyed it. He’d found a handy little site called Urban Dictionary which was great for looking up words and phrases that popped up on livejournal that he didn’t understand. So he now knew what a BNF was although he’d been amused to see that the second definition on the site was Butt Naked Freaks. So, if the_jackle was a BNF that meant she was a pretty big deal among other fans. Still, she seemed nice and was an awesome writer so he could see why.

“You look different,” Misha observed over their morning coffee.

“Do I?” Jared asked absently. He was busy thinking about where Castiel had been sent during _Changing Channels_

“Are you high on your pain meds?” Misha asked curiously and with just the slightest hint of longing in his eyes.

Jared snorted. “I’ve told you before, you’re not having any. And, no, I’m not high. I was just thinking. Thanks for lending me your computer, by the way.”

Misha smirked. “Having fun with it, are you?”

“You don’t need to sound so smug about it,” Jared muttered.

Misha’s grin widened and he knocked back the last of his coffee before patting Jared on the arm. “Yeah, I do. See you tomorrow.”

Jared was starting to think maybe he hated Misha a little.

* * *

The flashing cursor was mocking him. Jared was sure of it. He’d been sitting for hours now and he just couldn’t seem to move forward with his story. Right now Castiel was trapped in a room, powerless, with demonic versions of Sam and Dean and Jared had no idea how to get him out of it.

Castiel needed to escape somehow so he could meet up with Sam and Dean in the sitcom before being banished again. Right now demonic Sam and Dean were closing in and Jared felt as worried as Castiel was.

He sighed and logged onto livejournal, hoping for either a distraction from his frustration or some sort of inspiration. Unfortunately, things seemed pretty quiet to he decided to do a post instead.

_I wish someone had warned me about writer’s block before I got into this whole fanfiction thing. Going a bit crazy here and can’t even go for a run to work off the frustration. HELP!_

He felt kind of better after that but no closer to having any sort of idea of what to do with Castiel so he decided to break for lunch.

A sandwich and a cup of coffee later and he still wasn’t feeling inspired. Perhaps this was it. Didn’t they say that everyone had one novel inside them? Maybe he only had one fanfiction story inside him.

As he went back over to the computer to stare at the screen some more he wondered whether the_jackle ever got stuck like this and if she did how she overcame it. 

He had a new e mail, and was almost embarrassed at the little flutter of excitement he got when he saw it was a private message from the_jackle.

_Hi,_

_I understand all too well the pain of writer’s block. You seem to have some pretty good ideas about the characters so if you want some help just let me know. Sometimes talking through your ideas is all you need. My e mail address is jackles@gmail.com if you need me._

He didn’t hesitate in sending an e mail.

_Thank you so much for offering to help me out. I’m seriously going nuts over this. Do you mind if I send you what I’ve got so far and you can see what you think? I just can’t work out how to get Castiel out of the situation I’ve put him in._

He attached what he had of his story and hit send. There wasn’t really much he could do now except wait, and he’d never been much good when it came to patience. 

He hobbled over to the couch and switched on the TV but the only thing even half worth watching was some lame show about vampires which he quickly got tired of. 

“Do you think daddy’s going nuts?” he asked Sadie, who was curled up next to him on the couch.

She cocked her head at him and he took that to mean yes.

* * *

_I think what you’ve got so far is great. Love the idea of demonic Winchesters as a representation of Castiel choosing them over Heaven._

_Why not have Gabriel set Castiel free? I don’t know that he’d actually want to kill his brother, just mess him up a bit and get him to question his decision._

_Just a suggestion, of course. It’s your story._

_-Jensen_

He had a name now. Jensen. It was kind of pretty, and unusual. He’d never come across the name before. Maybe she went by Jen for short.

More importantly, though, Jensen’s idea was perfect and he was kicking himself for not having thought of it. He didn’t see Gabriel as 100% bad guy either. He was just messed up with his own family issues, just like Sam, Dean and Castiel. Jared wouldn’t be surprised if Gabriel made a return before the end of the series and helped out Team Free Will.

Maybe that could be his next story.

But now he’d gotten over his sticking point there was no stopping him. He felt like someone had shocked him with a tazer, but in a good way. The words were just flowing out of him and it only took him a couple of hours to have it finished.

He checked it over a couple of times and decided it was good for posting. He added a little note thanking Jensen for her help and posted.

He felt good.

* * *

_I have no idea what time zone you’re in but it’s 3am here in Texas and I can’t sleep. Hope you don’t mind me randomly e-mailing you like this. Saw the comments on your latest fic. Definitely well deserved._

_-Jensen_

Jared smiled. The message had been the first thing he’d seen when he’d logged in after Misha had left that morning. He was starting to learn a bit more about Jensen from the little things she mentioned in her e-mails. He knew she had an older brother and a younger sister, that Jensen was five years older than Jared, and now that she lived in Texas.

_Sorry I missed you but these pain meds knock me out as soon as I take them. Was out cold by eleven last night. Where in Texas are you? I live in LA now but I grew up in San Antonio._

E-mailing Jensen was getting to be the highlight of his day. Ever since Jensen had helped him with the Castiel story they’d just sort of fallen into the habit of exchanging messages outside of livejournal. It was amazing how a few words on a computer screen made Jared feel less cut off from the world. Even though he saw Misha every day and had Harley and Sadie, he missed being able to do regular stuff like go to work and run in the park. On a good day he could just about make it to the grocery store on the corner of his street if he used his crutches but it left him feeling exhausted.

He really couldn’t wait to get the damn cast off his leg.

With his e mail sent, Jared turned his attention to his latest fic attempt. He was trying something different this time by writing the events of _Sympathy For The Devil_ from Bobby’s perspective, including how he’d come to be possessed. Mostly because Jared had been wondering about that ever since he’d read the book. He’d have to send it to Jensen when it was finished and see what she thought.

He managed to get a few hundred words down before the computer flashed up a message to tell him he had new e-mail.

_I knew there was a reason we clicked so fast. I must have been able to sense your inner Texan. I’m from Richardson, which is just outside Dallas if you don’t know it. What made you pull up roots and move to LA? Work? I bet you haven’t had a decent bit of steak since you left. Do they even eat meat in Hollywood or is it all salads and protein shakes?_

_By the way, if you’re sick of me flooding your inbox and want to chat on IM instead I’m on MSN using the same e mail address. Only if you want to, of course. Hopefully this doesn’t make me seem like too much of a stalker._

_-Jensen_

Jared frowned. He was starting to get to grips with a lot of the abbreviations he found online but he really didn’t understand what Jensen was talking about. Luckily for him Google had the answers and ten minutes later he was up to speed. A program that would let him talk to Jensen in real time instead of e-mailing back and forth. That was kind of awesome. 

He grabbed his cell and dialled Misha’s number.

“Have you fallen and broken your other leg?” Misha asked instead of the standard ‘hello’.

Jared snorted. “What? No. Although I appreciate your concern.”

“Not a problem,” Misha replied.

“I just wanted to ask if you minded me installing an instant messenger program on your computer. I’ll take it off before I give it back.”

There was a pause and Jared could hear Misha breathing before he chuckled. “I thought so. You’ve met someone. You know, you could have told me you wanted to use the internet to find dates. I know some great sites.”

“I haven’t ‘met someone’,” Jared sighed. “It’s a girl. We’re friends. We’ve been e-mailing each other about the Supernatural books and she suggested we chat on this messenger thing. Trust me, it’s purely platonic.”

“Really?” Misha asked. “Are you sure she knows that?”

Jared was about to open his mouth and tell Misha how dumb he was being when he stopped. Jensen knew his name, so she knew he was a guy, but Jared had never actually told her he was gay. It wasn’t exactly something you dropped into casual conversation.

Shit.

“Jared?” Misha prompted after a moment. “You there?”

“What? Oh, yeah, sorry man. I’m here. Look, it’s fine. Can I download this thing or not?”

“Sure,” Misha replied. “Do whatever you like.”

“Awesome. See you tomorrow.”

He hung up before he could get dragged into further discussion of his love life. It really was fine. He’d talk to Jensen and clear everything up and it would be good.

Ten minutes later he had the programme installed and set up. It even found Jensen for him by doing a search of his contacts and it didn’t take long for a message to pop up.

**Jensen:** Jared! You made it!  
 **Jared:** Yeah, I had to check with the guy whose computer it is before I could install anything. He’s cool though.  
 **Jensen:** Well, I’m glad. Seriously, this is so much quicker and easier than e-mailing. My job has me keeping all kinds of weird hours so at least this way we can see when each other is around.  
 **Jared:** What is it that you do? You never said.  
 **Jensen:** Didn’t I? Oh, well, I’m a qualified physical therapist.  
 **Jared:** Yeah? That’s pretty awesome. You get to help people when they get hurt. Pity you don’t live closer so you could help me with my leg when the cast comes off.

He stared at the screen as he read over what he’d just typed and wanted to smack himself in the face. He’d more or less just asked a girl who may or may not have the hots for him for a massage.

**Jensen:** How long have you got left? Are you getting plenty of exercise with the crutches?  
 **Jared:** Three weeks. I try to do a bit of walking but it really tires me out.  
 **Jensen:** You need to build up your stamina. Try to walk a bit further each day. You can always stop for a rest if it gets too much.  
Sorry, I didn’t mean to go all work-mode on you.  
 **Jared:** It’s fine. Kind of good to talk about it actually. The doctors aren’t really interested until the cast is ready to come off.  
 **Jensen:** Well, I’m always here if you need to ask me anything. Hey, what do you do for a living anyway?  
 **Jared:** I work in a library, or I did before I broke my leg. I kind of miss it actually, even though it’s pretty boring and my boss gives me a hard time about what I read. He thinks the Supernatural books ‘lack artistic integrity’.  
 **Jensen:** Well, they’re not for everyone, I guess. So long as you enjoy them that’s all that matters.  
 **Jared:** I’d respect his opinion a bit more if he actually read one of them but he took one look at the first book and said it sounded lame and predictable. I mean, he didn’t even give it a try.  
 **Jensen:** I wouldn’t worry about it too much.  
 **Jared:** Yeah, I guess you’re right.

Of course he knew that not everyone could be expected to feel as passionately about the Supernatural books as he did. But, as he’d said to Jensen, what bugged him most was that Jeff dismissed the books after just looking at one cover. In fact when Jared had suggested Jeff read the first book his boss had sent him packing with a copy of Brave New World and the assurance that it was ‘real literature’.

**Jensen:** So are you working on any more fanfiction?  
 **Jared:** I’ve got a few ideas. Just finishing one off at the moment which is about how Bobby came to be possessed. You must have thought about that, right? I mean, he’s got all these anti-possession wards and charms so how did it happen?  
 **Jensen:** What’s your theory?  
 **Jared:** You’ll see when I get finished.  
 **Jensen:** Tease.

Jared smiled.

**Jensen:** Listen, I have to go and do some work now but I’ll catch you later, okay? It’s been nice talking to you.  
 **Jared:** Yeah, you too.

It was only after Jensen logged off that Jared realised he still hadn’t mentioned the whole gay thing.

Shit.

* * *

_Jensen,_

_I really wanted to say this when we were talking earlier but I couldn’t seem to find the right moment. You seem really cool and everything so I just thought you should know that I’m gay. I really hope it’s not going to be a problem because I really like talking to you._

_Jared_

It was blunt and Jared felt like a total wuss for telling Jensen in an e-mail rather than ‘in person’ on IM, but he needed to get it out there as soon as he could.

Now he just had to sit there and wait and hope she wasn’t a raging homophobe or anything like that. Maybe now would be a good time to take one of those walks Jensen had suggested.

* * *

He was exhausted by the time he got home. His shirt stuck to his back and his eyes were stinging where the sweat had run down his face. He’d gone an extra block past the grocery store before turning around and coming back and right now he just wanted to collapse onto the couch and sleep for a month.

Instead he took a bath, mindful not to get his cast wet, and by the time he’d had a soak and a couple of large glasses of water he felt better. 

He sat on the couch for a while, petting Harley and Sadie who seemed more than a little annoyed that he’d gone out without them. Occasionally he glanced at the computer and wondered whether he had a reply from Jensen yet. He didn’t know which was worse, not knowing or checking and being rejected. Yeah, apparently part of him was a teenage girl.

He decided to man up and hobbled over to the desk and sat down, scribbling a few notes while he waited for the computer to boot up. While he’d been walking he’d had an idea for a fic about Sam and Dean being confronted by the personifications of their own worst fears.

He had an e-mail from Jensen when he glanced up at the screen and it took him a moment to summon the courage to click on it.

_Jared,_

_First of all, thank you for trusting me with this. We don’t really know each other all that well so it means a lot that you felt comfortable enough to tell me. It’s really not an issue for me, I can promise you that. In fact, since we’re on the topic of personal confessions I may as well tell you that I’m gay too. So, really, don’t worry about it._

_I’ll chat to you on IM soon._

_-Jensen_

He let out a breath he hadn’t even realised he’d been holding. Well, that was a relief. He had no idea what he’d been expecting Jensen to say but he was glad it was all out in the open now. He liked guys, Jensen liked girls, so it all worked out really.

Now they could just get on with being friends, and talking about the books they both loved.

Jared smiled and resumed working on his story about Bobby.

* * *

**Jensen:** Hi.  
 **Jared:** Hey.

Funny how even a typed conversation could feel awkward. It wasn’t like he knew Jensen, of course, but the fact that she hadn’t immediately started talking about her day told him everything he needed to know.

**Jensen:** So, you got my e-mail then?  
 **Jared:** Yeah. I’m really sorry I didn’t say something when we were chatting. I probably owed you that.  
 **Jensen:** Not at all. It’s not exactly something you just slip into conversation. ‘Hi, how are you? By the way, I’m gay.’  
 **Jared:** Yeah, I guess. So we’re okay?  
 **Jensen:** Of course

Jared smiled. It was weird how relieved he was to find out someone he’d never even met still liked him. It was just that he’d never met anyone like Jensen before. They really seemed to be on the same wavelength and that was definitely something new.

**Jensen:** So how are you doing today? How’s the leg?  
 **Jared:** It’s okay. I took your advice and went for a walk earlier. I was about ready to keel over when I got back. Hard to believe I used to run five miles a day before the accident.  
 **Jensen:** It’ll get easier, I swear. You’ll be running five miles again before you know it  
 **Jared:** I’ve never been very good at the whole patience thing. I’m already getting antsy waiting for the next Supernatural book to come out. Hey, do you think Sam and Dean are going to say ‘yes’ in the end?

No reply. Jared frowned. Jensen was still showing as being online but there was nothing to indicate that she was actually typing anything. Maybe she’d gone to get a drink or something.

**Jared:** Jensen?  
 **Jensen:** Sorry, yeah, I’m still here. I was just thinking.  
 **Jared:** So I guess that means you don’t know either. I really hope they don’t. I want it to end with just Sam and Dean (and Castiel) against everyone else.  
 **Jensen:** I guess we’ll find out eventually. So, are you working on any new fics?  
 **Jared:** Had an idea this morning but I’m feeling pretty wiped at the moment so I don’t think I’m going to start anything new today. What about you? It’s been a while since you posted anything.  
 **Jensen:** Well, I’ve got an idea but I don’t know about it. It would need to be pretty long and work is kicking my ass at the moment.  
 **Jared:** There’s no rush. Just work on it when you can. I know it will be awesome. What’s it about?  
 **Jensen:** I was just thinking about the time Dean spent in hell. We know little bits about what happened to him there but I want to explore it further, and at the same time look at what Sam was doing on Earth and what Castiel was doing in Heaven.  
 **Jared:** I love it! Like a Trinity sort of thing?  
 **Jensen:** Yeah, exactly.  
 **Jared:** I can just see Sam travelling around on his own trying everything he can to get Dean back. It’d be sort of like how he was in Mystery Spot when Dean was dead for those six months.  
 **Jensen:** Exactly.  
 **Jared:** And Castiel would be so honored to be chosen to help get Dean out of Hell, and then he’d know suffering for the first time as he sees his brothers and sisters fall around him. And of course when he gets to Dean he finds the seal has already broken which explains why he’s so pissed at Dean in those first few books.  
 **Jensen:** Dude, it’s like you’re inside my head. You know you should totally write this with me.  
 **Jared:** Hehe!  
 **Jensen:** I’m serious! You seem to know exactly what’s needed here and I don’t have time to write the whole thing by myself. We should absolutely do this.  
 **Jared:** I can’t! You’re way better at this than me. I’m not going to mess up what sounds like an awesome story.  
 **Jensen:** Don’t be a dumbass. You’re just as good as I am, and I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t mean it. So, what do you say?

Jared actually blushed a little at that.

**Jared:** Okay, why not?  
 **Jensen:** Awesome! I’ll type up an outline and e-mail it to you. We can go from there. Tomorrow, though. I need to do some work and from the sounds of it you need to sleep.  
 **Jared:** Yeah, you’re probably right.  
 **Jensen:** I’m pretty excited about this.

Jared was too. He kind of liked the idea of collaborating with someone who loved the characters as much as he did, and the fact that it was Jensen just made it even better, although slightly intimidating too.

**Jared:** Yeah, me too.  
 **Jensen:** Now go and get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.

Jared could hardly wait.

* * *

He had to admit that over the past few weeks he’d sort of enjoyed the routine he’d fallen into. He woke up at 8am, had breakfast and did as much cleaning as he could manage until Misha got back from walking the dogs. They’d have coffee and talk for a while and then he’d go online and check his e-mail and livejournal. After lunch he’d write with Jensen until dinner, and then work on his own stuff until bedtime. It was nice. Comforting almost.

He only had a few more days before he was due to go back to the doctor and if his leg had healed properly, which the doctors seemed confident it had, then the cast would come off and he’d be able to go back to work.

“You must be looking forward to it,” Misha said over their morning coffee.

“I guess,” Jared replied. “It’ll be nice to get outside again.”

Misha set down his mug. “A word of advice. Never go into acting. You’re not very good at it.”

“What?”

“Well, I believe it’s customary for people to smile when they’re happy about something.”

Jared sighed. “I am happy, kind of. I guess I’m going to miss talking to Jensen every day. She works weird hours so once I go back to work I’m not going to be able to talk to her as much. She’s just one of those people who gets me, you know?”

Misha nodded. “You love her.”

“What? No!” Jared’s heart pounded in his chest. He really needed to lay off the coffee. “We’re just friends. But I do like her a lot.”

Misha petted him on the arm. “There’s more than one kind of love, you know.”

Jared sighed and nodded his head. “I guess.”

“Well, I’d better go. I’ve got some rabbit joints that need assembling. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah.”

Jared logged in as soon as he heard Misha’s car pull away but he felt weird now. Mostly sad with a bit of something else mixed in. He didn’t really know what it was. He just wished that the closest thing he had to a best friend didn’t live a thousand miles away.

* * *

**Jensen:** I kind of want to kill off Bobby.  
 **Jared:** What? You can’t do that. Bobby’s awesome.  
 **Jensen:** I know, but think about it. Sam, Dean and Castiel have all died. Maybe Bobby is feeling left out.  
 **Jared:** I kind of doubt it. Anyway, Bobby died in The End.  
 **Jensen:** Not properly. Dean finding a wheelchair covered in blood and filled with holes doesn’t count.  
 **Jared:** I know everyone loves your fics but if you kill off Bobby they won’t forgive you unless you bring him back somehow.  
 **Jensen:** I guess I could bring him back.  
 **Jared:** What’s wrong? You’ve never killed anyone in any of your other fics. They’re a refreshing change from the angst of the books usually.  
 **Jensen:** I dunno. I guess I’m not in the best mood today. How are you feeling about the hospital tomorrow?  
 **Jared:** Okay, I guess. I can’t wait to get this thing off my leg and be able to do normal stuff again but I’m going to miss this with you too.  
 **Jensen:** We’ll work something out. You don’t get rid of me that easy.  
 **Jared:** Good to know. I’ll have to give you my cell number so you can text me at work and stop me going too nuts.  
 **Jensen:** They let you use your phone in the library?  
 **Jared:** Sure, so long as I keep it on vibrate. My boss is pretty cool about stuff like that.  
 **Jensen:** I kind of like the idea of you carrying me around in your pocket  
 **Jared:** That’s because you’re weird  
 **Jensen:** Yeah, but you like it  
 **Jared:** I do

They worked on the fic until Jared had to go and eat and Jensen had to do some work. Jared had no idea physical therapy involved the weird hours that Jensen kept but he figured Jensen probably had to work around the hours that suited her clients. It was good, though. It worked out well for them.

As he hobbled around the kitchen and made something basic for dinner, his phone beeped in his pocket.

_What are you having for dinner? J_

Jared smiled and typed a reply with one hand while he stirred with the other.

_Pasta. If you lived closer you could have some. J_

He’d just finished plating up the food when his phone went off again.

_I just ate. And we have to think about how to sign these things. If we’re both J it’s confusing. Since I’m older I should be J and you should be J2. J_

Jared snorted.

_Whatever. Now go and do some work and let me eat my dinner. I’ll text you later. J2_

He was kind of glad his cellphone plan came with a lot of texts because if this exchange was anything to go by he was going to go through them pretty fast.

* * *

“Well, Mr Padalecki, it looks like your leg has healed up nicely. How about we get rid of that cast now?”

Jared let out a shaky breath. He’d had nightmares the night before where his leg wasn’t healed, or when they removed the cast his leg fell off.

“You’ll find that your leg is quite weak to begin with,” the doctor continued. “So don’t try to rush back into the things that you used to do. I can give you a sheet with some gentle exercises to help strengthen the muscle and sign you up for some sessions with our physical therapist, if you like.”

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

And it was nothing at all to do with the fact that he wanted to learn a bit more about what Jensen did for a living.

* * *

He almost fell over when he first tried to walk on his leg after the cast had been removed. It wasn’t just the weakness, although the doctor hadn’t been kidding about that; it was the weird difference in weight too. He’d kind of got used to the heavy cast during the six weeks he’d been wearing it and now that it was gone his leg felt way too light.

“You okay?” Misha asked as he caught hold of Jared when he stumbled.

Jared nodded. “Yeah, I’m good. Thanks, man.”

He leaned on Misha a little as they walked back to the car and by the time they were halfway to the parking lot he found he was able to walk by himself.

He pulled out his phone as soon as he sat down.

_My leg is really pale and gross. Cast is off though and I just need to learn how to walk again now. J2._

He got a reply almost immediately.

_You’ll be running marathons before you know it. See you online later. J_

He smiled and put his phone back in his pocket.

“You’ve really got it bad,” Misha observed as they pulled out of the parking lot.

“I haven’t got anything,” Jared sighed. “Jesus, Misha. You really think two people can’t be friends? Seriously, it’s not like that between us.”

“Hmm,” was the only reply Misha seemed willing to give.

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It means would you feel differently if she was a single gay guy instead of a single gay girl?”

“I don’t know!” Jared snapped. “She’s not so it’s not really an issue, is it?”

Misha shrugged. “You know I’ve always seen sexuality as more of a fluid thing. Why should it matter whether the person you love has got a cock or a pussy? It’s the person you love, right?”

“That’s easy for you to say, you’re married,” Jared pointed out.

“And if Vicki had been a guy I’d still be with her,” Misha shot back.

The rest of the car journey was made in silence.

* * *

**Jensen:** So when do you go back to work?  
 **Jared:** Next week. I think my boss is going kind of nuts actually. He’s offered to drive me to work and take me home afterwards until my leg gets a bit stronger.  
 **Jensen:** Well, at least you can get out there into the big wide world again, and I’ll be here in the evenings so you can tell me all about it.

It warmed Jared’s heart to think of Jensen waiting for him when he got home, and that just made him think again about the conversation he had with Misha in the car. Sure, he loved Jensen, but kind of in the way he would love a close sibling. It could never be anything more than that despite Misha’s opinions about the fluid nature of sexuality.

**Jared:** Hey, tell me if I’m overstepping the mark but I was thinking we should meet up some time.

He had no idea where it had come from but now that he’d started typing he couldn’t seem to stop himself. 

There was no reply from Jensen and after a second Jared started to panic that maybe he’d freaked her out and scared her off.

**Jensen:** I’d like that.

A huge smile broke out on Jared’s face.

**Jared:** Yeah, me too. I mean, I can’t take any vacation time after all the sick time I’ve had but we could do something one weekend if you wanted and I have a spare bed if you want to come here.  
 **Jensen:** That works for me. Maybe once you’ve got settled in back at work we can sort something out.

The thought crossed his mind for a second that he should be worried about how excited he was about meeting Jensen in person but he quickly pushed it aside. He really couldn’t wait.

* * *

“Let me get this right,” Jeff said wearily as they sorted through the library inventory. “You’re spending the weekend with someone you met on the internet and it’s got nothing to do with sex at all?”

“No,” Jared sighed. Really, he was sick of explaining this to people. “We’re just friends who are going to hang out, that’s all.”

“Weird.”

Yeah, it might be, but Jared really didn’t care.

* * *

He glanced at his watch, then back at the arrivals board. Jensen’s plane had landed over thirty minutes ago and there was still no sign of her. He’d texted her that morning with what he was wearing to make him easier to spot, although he was a good six inches taller than anyone else around him so it really shouldn’t be that hard.

He wondered if he should text her again to check she was okay and not lost.

“Holy crap, you weren’t kidding when you said you were tall!”

Jared blinked in surprise at the guy who was standing in front of him with an eager smile.

“Excuse me?”

Immediately the smile faded from the other guy’s face.

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry. I thought you were my friend Jared. I must have got mixed up.”

Jared blinked again, a frown wrinkling his brow as he tried to work out who the hell this guy was.

“I’m Jared,” he finally managed to say.

And the smile was back. “Oh, great. I was kind of worried you’d get sick of waiting or something. Hey, are you okay?”

The guy glanced down at himself and pulled the baseball cap off his head.

“I. . .” Jared honestly had no idea how to say it politely. “Sorry, but do I know you?”

The guy frowned. “Uh, I’m Jensen.”

For a second, everything froze. Jared opened his mouth, realised no sound was coming out and closed it again.

Jensen looked faintly nervous now, like he’d blundered into the path of the resident crazy person.

“You’re Jensen?” Jared finally managed to say but he couldn’t stop himself from staring.

Jensen nodded.

“Sorry, it’s just I was expecting. . .you’re really Jensen?”

“Want to see my passport to prove it?” Jensen asked dryly. He looked less nervous now and more annoyed.

Jared shook his head to clear it. Okay, Jensen was a guy. He could deal with that, right? Except now that he was properly looking, Jensen was hot.

Shit.

His online best friend was a hot, gay, single guy.

Jared was so screwed.

“Sorry,” he said again, smiling this time and Jensen relaxed a little.

“So you _are_ Jared?”

“Yeah,” Jared replied. “I’m Jared. J2.”

And that was it. Jensen’s face lit up again as he hefted his bag onto his shoulder and placed a hand on Jared’s arm. “Thank God. I thought I had the wrong guy for a minute there.”

Jared’s head was back on the fact that his hot, gay, single, male best friend was now touching him.

Jensen frowned. “Are you okay? You don’t look okay. Is your leg bothering you? Maybe we should sit down for a bit. There’s a coffee shop just over there.”

Sitting down suddenly sounded like a _really_ good idea.

* * *

“Seriously?”

Jensen stared at him with a mixed look of amusement and total disbelief while Jared slumped down in his seat and wondered if it was possible to blush any harder than he was right now.

“You seriously thought I was a lesbian?”

Jared felt his face burn a little more so apparently it was possible.

“Dude, I am _so_ sorry. I just assumed. . .most of the people on that livejournal community are women, and you never said anything that made me think otherwise.”

Jensen sat back in his seat, studied Jared for a moment and then took a sip of his coffee.

“So what now? You want me to head back to Texas?”

Jared shot up in his seat. “What? No! It’s just a surprise, that’s all. Of course you’re welcome.”

With just a wall between him and his incredibly hot gay friend when they went to sleep at night. Jesus.

Jensen smiled and Jared felt a warmth flood through him and go straight to his cock. Man, he was in serious trouble.

“Well, that’s good,” Jensen said as he took another sip of his coffee. “Because I was kind of looking forward to spending some time with you.”

“Do you want to get out of here?” Jared asked quickly, suddenly deciding that he really needed to do something that didn’t involve sitting and staring at Jensen.

Jensen nodded and drained his cup. “Sounds like a plan to me.”

* * *

Jared was feeling a little more relaxed by the time they got back to the house, which he suspected was largely due to Jensen singing along softly to the radio while they drove. There was just something soothing about listening to him, and the fact that they didn’t need to talk.

So now he was compiling a list of reasons why Jensen was so awesome in his head. So far he had amazing writer, amazing singer, gorgeous and the fact that he wasn’t freaked out at being mistaken for a lesbian.

“The dogs might get a bit excited,” he warned Jensen as they pulled into the driveway. “Just so you’re prepared.”

“I think I can handle it,” Jensen smiled. “Got one of my own at home.”

Jared added dog lover to the list as he got Jensen’s bag out of the trunk.

Exactly as he’d predicted, Harley and Sadie went nuts as soon as the front door opened. Harley let out one cautious growl when he spotted Jensen but as soon as Jensen crouched down and held out his hand to be sniffed, both dogs were like pudding.

“Hey there, guys,” Jensen grinned as he rubbed their bellies. “I hope you don’t mind me stealing some of your daddy’s time this weekend.”

Jared watched the whole scene with wonder and was struck by just how _right_ Jensen looked sitting on his floor playing with his dogs.

He shook his head and took Jensen’s bag up to the guest room. He really needed to keep himself busy before he started planning a wedding in his head.

His phone rang and he was grateful for the distraction.

“What’s she like?” Misha said when Jared answered, not even bothering to wait for him to say hello. “Have either of you backed down on your quaint notions of sexual orientation yet?”

Jared snorted even though his face was flushing red. It wasn’t like Misha could see him anyway. “Yeah, turns out that she is actually a he.”

“I see.” Misha didn’t even sound surprised. “So why are you answering your phone instead of screwing his brains out? Don’t tell me you haven’t been all pent up with sexual frustration because I’ll know you’re lying.”

“Dude!” Jared hissed. “He only just got there. Besides, I don’t even know if he’s interested in me like that.”

“He flew a thousand miles to see you,” Misha pointed out. “I think you can probably assume that he is.”

“I dunno,” Jared replied. “It was never really like that.” 

Misha sighed. “Look, why don’t you bring him over tonight? I’ve just about finished work on the house and I’m an awesome cook.”

“You want to inspect him, don’t you?” 

“You say inspect, I say gauge his interest.”

Jared snorted again. “Whatever. I’ll ask him. He only just got here and I don’t know how tired he’s feeling.”

“Well, talk to him and call me back.”

“Yeah, okay.”

He hung up and went back downstairs to find Jensen still happily playing with Harley and Sadie.

“So, Misha has invited us over for dinner,” Jared said as he stood in the doorway and watched. “But it’s totally up to you. I don’t know if you’re tired or you want to do something else but it’s totally fine if you don’t want to go.”

Part of him really hoped Jensen said no. This evening had the potential to be seriously embarrassing, especially since Jared was pretty sure that Misha had no idea how to be discreet.

Jensen rose to his feet and dusted the dog hair off his jeans. “Sounds fun. Besides, I really ought to thank him for loaning you that computer in the first place. We’d never have met otherwise.”

Jared couldn’t ignore the knot of fear that started to twist in his stomach.

* * *

“Do you like chocolate?” Misha asked as soon as he opened the front door. Jared, thankfully, had remembered to explain to Jensen that the word ‘hello’ was likely missing from Misha’s vocabulary.

“Sure,” Jared said as Misha ushered them inside. Whatever was cooking smelled good.

“Try this,” Misha insisted and handed them a box of what Jared could only really describe as brown balls.

“They’re truffles,” Misha called over his shoulder as he headed back towards what Jared assumed was the kitchen. “I just made them today.”

He looked back in the box. They looked kind of messy, but he’d never been one to turn down free sugar so he popped one into his mouth.

“Oh my God,” he moaned as the chocolate melted. “Jesus, Misha, these are awesome.”

He passed the box over to Jensen who took one of the chocolates for himself. As soon as he closed his mouth he started making noises which Jared really thought should be made illegal and which had him half hard.

Misha came back out and grinned. “I added rum to give them a bit of a kick. Dinner will be ready soon and Vicki’s on her way home. Do you guys want something to drink?”

“You got any beer?” Jared said at exactly the same time as Jensen.

Misha smirked as they grinned at each other and headed back into the kitchen to get the drinks.

“Well, I’m glad to see there’s still some Texas in you, boy,” Jensen drawled in a ridiculously over the top accent.

Jared snorted. “My mama told me there ain’t nothing bigger than a Texan’s heart because they carry a bit of the state with them wherever they go.”

Jensen laughed and it was the best sound Jared had ever heard.

“Here you go,” Misha said and pressed a cold beer into each of their hands.

Before they could sit down the front door opened and a woman bustled in, laden down with shopping bags.

“Here, let me help you with that,” Jared said quickly and moved over to grab a couple of the bags before she dropped them.

“Thanks,” she sighed with relief. “You must be Jared. I’m Vicki. I’d shake your hand but. . .” She rustled the bags she was carrying to demonstrate that her hands were full.

“It’s no problem,” Jared smiled. “You want me to put these in the kitchen?”

“I got it,” Misha said, intercepting Jared and taking the bags from him. “You go and sit with Jensen. You’re the guest. I’ll have dinner ready in a few minutes anyway.”

* * *

Jared wasn’t surprised to discover that Misha’s wife was pretty damn awesome. It figured that a guy like Misha would attract someone interesting like Vicki. Misha couldn’t stand boredom.

“So, I write about sex mostly,” she told them over dinner as though she’d just told them she knitted sweaters for a hobby. “But I do a bit of journalism too.”

Jensen started to choke on his beer and Jared had to clap him on the back until he stopped coughing.

“Sorry, does it make you feel uncomfortable?” Vicki asked once Jensen had recovered.

“Me?” Jensen rasped. “No. It’s just. . .how do you get into that?”

Vicki shrugged. “I like sex. Well, more specifically I’m interested in relationships as well as the sex. I mean, you two are a great example. Misha told me you met online. Is this the first time you’ve seen what each other looks like?”

Jared glanced at Jensen who was now smiling to himself. “Yeah, why?”

“I was just wondering whether your opinion of each other has changed since you met in person.”

“Not really,” Jensen replied. “Should it have?”

“Not at all. I was just curious.”

“Well, I don’t think Jensen is a lesbian anymore,” Jared chuckled in an effort to inject some humor. This was all getting a bit too in depth and heavy for him to be comfortable. 

Vicki let out small hum and turned in her seat to face Misha. “Shall I get dessert?”

Misha nodded and Vicki got up and disappeared into the kitchen.

“So, what are your plans for the weekend?” Misha asked with a smirk that told Jared exactly what he thought their plans _should_ be.

Jared shrugged. “I dunno, really. Depends what Jensen wants to do.”

“I don’t mind,” Jensen added. “We can just hang out, if you like.”

“Yeah, I’d like that.” Jared smiled.

Misha smirked again and Jared really felt like kicking him under the table.

* * *

He was buzzed when they finally left Misha’s at 1am with Jensen leaning on him heavily as they stumbled into the cab Misha had called for them. After dessert Misha had broken out a bottle of Absinthe which he and Vicki had bought on vacation in Prague and if that alone hadn’t been enough to knock him sideways, they’d followed it up with a thick joint which Misha had insisted would make the booze taste even better.

“I like your friends,” Jensen murmured once they were in the cab. “They’re awesome.”

Jared smiled as Jensen immediately slumped on his shoulder and fell asleep, making these adorable little sleepy murmurs as he tried to burrow into Jared’s warmth.

His phone bleeped in his pocket and he was half inclined to ignore it, given how comfortable he was feeling. He did wonder who was texting him at this stupid time, though, and eventually curiosity won out over comfort. He managed to extract his phone without disturbing Jensen and read the message

_He definitely wants you. Go for it – Misha_

He smiled and slid the phone back into his pocket.

Maybe he would.

* * *

“Jensen?”

Jared almost hated to wake him up. He looked so peaceful sleeping against him. Unfortunately, the cab driver probably didn’t see it that way.

“Hey, Jensen. We’re home.”

Jensen nuzzled against him a little and finally opened his eyes, blinking sleepily at Jared before frowning in confusion.

“Come on,” Jared said gently. “There’s a nice bed waiting for you in the house.”

Jensen nodded and rubbed his eyes. “Bed sounds good.”

They almost fell out of the cab and staggered back towards the house.

Jensen stood at the foot of the stairs, swaying and looking like he was about three seconds away from falling flat on his face.

“Upstairs,” Jared said, wrapping an arm around his waist. “I’ll show you where the bedroom is.”

He could still smell the pot smoke on their clothes, thick and heavy as they climbed the stairs side by side. When they got to the top he pointed out the bathroom and then steered Jensen into the guest bedroom and sat him down on the bed.

“You need anything?”

Jensen tilted his head up, eyes glazed, lips parted and cheeks slightly flushed. Jesus Christ, Jared wanted to kiss him so bad right now.

“No,” Jensen finally said softly. “Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow, when I’m less wasted. I want to remember it.”

Jared took a step back, eyes still fixed on Jensen’s parted lips as he tried to work out whether Jensen was saying what Jared really hoped he was saying.

“Tomorrow,” Jensen repeated with a nod and then slumped over to one side and curled in on himself. By the time Jared snapped out of his thoughts, Jensen was deeply asleep and snoring softly.

He let out a shaky breath and took a tentative step closer to the bed. He was achingly hard now and all he could do was stand there and watch Jensen sleep. God, he was perfect, even sleeping on top of the covers in rumpled clothes and drooling into the pillow. As Jared took another step closer, Jensen let out a small snuffle and the snoring stopped. 

He had half a mind to just stand there all night and watch Jensen sleep until he realized that was pretty damn creepy. Then he heard one of the dogs let out a whine downstairs and he was reminded that he still needed to let them out. He ran a hand through his hair and carefully pulled off Jensen’s shoes before folding the comforter over from the other side of the bed to cover him. His hand hovered an inch or so from Jensen’s hair but he finally thought better of it and pulled back.

“Tomorrow,” he murmured to himself and left Jensen to sleep.

Tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough.

* * *

Jared groaned when Harley and Sadie bounded into the bedroom at 8am and jumped all over him to announce it was breakfast time. His head was pounding, his stomach was churning and his mouth felt like something had died inside it.

“Later, guys,” he moaned. “Daddy’s dying.”

Harley barked which sent a white hot spark of pain flaring through his head and he knew he was fighting a losing battle. Not even the epic demonic hordes from the Supernatural books could get between his dogs and their food.

“Okay,” he sighed as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and lurched to his feet. “You win.”

The dogs charged downstairs and he followed at a slower pace, poking his head into the guest bedroom as he passed. Jensen was still sleeping soundly and Jared was grateful that at least one of them was managing to get some rest.

He fed the dogs, let them outside for a bit and considered going back to bed. Maybe he’d feel a bit less like death after he’d had a nap.

Except as he headed into the hallway he could hear Jensen moving around upstairs, and Harley and Sadie took that as an invitation to visit and charged.

Shit.

If Jensen felt even half as bad as Jared did there was no way he’d want two large dogs jumping all over him. What if he never wanted to visit again?

He raced up after them. Sure enough, both dogs were standing in the middle of Jensen’s bed, but there was no sign of Jensen himself. 

“Jensen? Sorry about the dogs. They get a bit excited.”

The bathroom door opened and Jensen wandered back into the bedroom. Wearing nothing but a towel. His hair was damp, his skin slightly flushed from the hot water and as he walked past Jared caught the scent of Jensen’s cologne. Damn, he smelled good.

“Dude, I think I’m dying.”

Jared opened his mouth but realised that his throat was dry and any words that might have been forthcoming were stuck there. It was entirely possible he was still asleep, or high. It was that or his life had just turned into a porno.

Jensen started rummaging through his bag and pulled out some clean clothes while Jared just stood there, mouth slightly open as he watched one wayward drop of water run down Jensen’s back.

“Please tell me you have coffee,” Jensen rasped, still with his back to Jared and apparently totally oblivious to the effect he was having. “If you don’t we need to hit Starbucks before we do anything else and that includes eating.”

The drop of water had made its way to the base of Jensen’s spine now.

“Jared?”

“What? Oh! Coffee! I’ll. . .uh. . .I’ll just go and make some.”

He bolted from the room before he lost total control and pounced on Jensen right there.

When Jensen came downstairs ten minutes later, mercifully clothed, Jared had the coffee ready.

“Please tell me you feel the same way I do,” Jensen moaned as he accepted the mug of coffee from Jared.

“Uh. . .”

“I like your friends, man, but I think they half killed me.”

Jared snorted. “Right. Well, we can take it easy today. No booze or drugs, I promise.”

“Awesome. Damn, this coffee is amazing.”

“I know, right? First thing I bought when I started at the library was a decent coffee maker.”

They finished drinking in silence after that and Jared was surprised at how comfortable it was, despite his earlier freak-out at the sight of a half-naked Jensen.

“So, I was thinking maybe we could take the dogs to the park a bit later on,” he finally said. “Maybe rent a movie and get some pizza tonight. Just take it easy.”

“Sounds good to me,” Jensen replied.

Jared was already starting to feel better.

* * *

By the time they got to the park and the fresh air hit him, Jared found he was feeling a hell of a lot better, and as they watched Harley and Sadie chase each other around like idiots he noticed Jensen was smiling to himself, too. The sun was warm on his face and the air was clear. It was a good day.

“We should have a picnic,” Jared announced as the idea suddenly struck him. “I mean, if you want to. Take the dogs and some food up into the hills. What do you think?”

Jensen’s smile brightened. “I think that sounds perfect.”

“Awesome.”

* * *

It didn’t take them long to go back to Jared’s place, pack up some food and load it and the dogs into Jared’s car. His leg meant he still couldn’t drive far but it didn’t take them long to get out of the city and up into the hills.

Jensen had his camera out almost as soon as they stepped out of the car.

“Look at that view,” he breathed as he snapped some shots of the city skyline.

Jared watched as Jensen took a few more photos before slipping the camera back into his bag.

“Do you want to eat?” Jared asked. “I’m starving. I think my hangover finally wore off.”

Jensen chuckled. “Yeah, me too. I could definitely eat.”

The food was nothing special, just some sandwiches and chips and a couple of cans of soda. Jensen wound up giving half his food to the dogs even though Jared told him to resist their carefully calculated woobie faces.

“Seriously,” he said when Jensen gave Sadie some of his sandwich. “Sam Winchester has nothing on these two when it comes to the puppy eyes.”

“Guess I’m a soft touch like Dean,” Jensen grinned. “He can’t resist those eyes either.”

“Well, you won’t be able to get rid of my dogs now,” Jared smiled. “You’ll be like the cool uncle who spoils them rotten under daddy’s disapproving glare.”

Jensen glanced over his shoulder. “Yeah, I can see you look real disapproving over there.”

“I’m glaring on the inside.”

When they saw that Jensen had run out of food, Harley and Sadie headed over to Jared and sat expectantly at his feet.

“Oh, you guys can forget it.”

He still ended up giving them most of one of his sandwiches, which made Jensen laugh. It was worth it just for that.

They took a short walk so Jensen could take some more photos but they didn’t get far before Jared’s leg started to cramp.

“I’m really sorry,” Jared sighed as he limped back to the car with Jensen supporting him at the elbow.

“Don’t be sorry,” Jensen replied. “I’ve had an awesome day and didn’t you say something about pizza and a movie?”

They called in at the video store on the way home.

“Grab whatever you like,” Jared said. “There’s a deal where you can rent two movies for $5. We can pick one each and mock one another’s taste in films.”

“Deal.”

After five minutes Jared had picked up Sherlock Holmes and went to find Jensen.

“You find anything yet?”

Jensen nodded and held up a box. “I’ve been meaning to see this for ages. Robert Downey Jr. is awesome.”

For a moment Jared stared at the Sherlock Holmes box in Jensen’s hand and wondered if he was secretly some sort of psychic. Then he held up his own copy of the movie.

“Well, I guess we both have good taste,” Jensen grinned.

They left with Sherlock Holmes, Iron Man and a huge bag of popcorn.

Jared was back to planning that wedding in his head.

* * *

By the time Tony Stark had escaped his cave in the prototype Iron Man suit, Jared found he was on the verge of falling asleep. He glanced over at Jensen who was curled up at the other end of the couch, his face bathed in the glow of the TV screen.

“Hey,” Jared said softly. “I’m beat. Gonna have to go to bed. You can watch the rest of the movie, though.”

Jensen grabbed the remote from the table and hit pause. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just wiped from the walking. Seriously, man, it’s still early. Finish watching the movie. I’ve seen it like a dozen times or something anyway.”

He rose to his feet and Jensen caught hold of his hand before he could move. 

Something had changed. He didn’t know if it was the way Jensen was looking at him, or the fact that Jensen was holding his hand, but there was an energy between them, a tension that hadn’t been there a few minutes ago.

Jensen rose to his feet, still holding onto Jared’s hand, so that they were now standing just a few inches apart.

“So, I promised you something last night,” Jensen said softly.

Jared had kind of assumed that Jensen had forgotten about last night. He’d been pretty wasted, they both had. He swallowed, opened his mouth and realised he had no idea what to say.

Jensen kissed him.

It was soft at first but the feeling of Jensen’s lips on his was enough to spur Jared into action. He deepened the kiss and pulled Jensen close so their bodies were flush against each other and he could feel Jensen’s hardness digging into his thigh.

“It’s too bad you’re tired,” Jensen murmured with a sly smile when Jared pulled back from the kiss. “Because I had one or two ideas for something else we could do instead of watching the movie.”

Jared’s heart leapt and he grinned. “Really? What sort of ideas?”

“How about we go upstairs and I show you?”

Together they staggered up the stairs, unable to keep their hands off each other as they fell onto Jared’s bed, pulling at each other’s clothes. Jared’s heart was pounding, his breath coming in ragged gasps as he tossed Jensen’s shirt on the floor and started working on his jeans. Christ, he wanted this so much. Part of him had wanted it before too, back when he thought Jensen was a girl.

“You’re thinking too much,” Jensen moaned as he nipped at Jared’s collarbone. “Don’t think about it.”

Jared could do that. He could most definitely do that.

He lay back and let Jensen slowly strip him of his clothes until they were both naked. God, Jensen was perfect. Lean, but toned. Oh, so very toned.

Jensen knelt on the bed between Jared’s legs and slowly stroked his hands up and down Jared’s thighs. Jared was so hard his body was trembling with sheer need and he was pretty sure he was going to come right there if Jensen didn’t fuck him soon.

Instead Jensen’s hands travelled further down until one of them came to rest on the leg he had broken. He flinched.

“Did I hurt you?” Jensen asked with concern and his hands stopped moving.

Jared swallowed hard. “No. No, it’s fine. It doesn’t really hurt anymore. It’s just my leg is kind of gross after being in a cast for six weeks. It’s all white and thin.”

Jensen dipped his head and pressed a kiss just below Jared’s knee. “You know, I’m kind of glad you broke your leg. We never would have met otherwise.”

He kind of had a point.

Jared reached down and brushed a hand over Jensen’s hair. “And for what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re not a lesbian.”

Jensen laughed softly. “Good. Now that we’ve got that out of our systems, how about you let me take care of you.”

Jared bit his lip. “Jensen, I don’t know if I can. . . I can’t put a lot of weight on my leg.”

Jensen smiled. “Don’t worry about anything. Like I said, I’m going to take care of you.”

Jensen moved his head up a little and pressed another kiss to Jared’s knee, then again to his inner-thigh. When Jensen’s mouth finally wrapped around his cock, Jared realised just how long it had been since he’d been with another guy. Way too long. In fact, he realized in a moment of cold dismay as Jensen sucked and licked, it had been so long he was having trouble controlling himself.

“Jen,” he groaned as Jensen’s tongue started doing this amazing thing at the base of his balls. “Jen, I think I’m gonna. . .”

He came with a shudder, falling limp beneath Jensen as his breath caught in his chest. This was, without a doubt, the most embarrassing experience of his life. And that included the time his History teacher had caught him with his hand down Jimmy Warren’s pants under the bleachers in high school.

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath and raked a hand through his hair. He half expected Jensen to get up and leave right now.

Instead Jensen crawled back up the bed and flopped down beside him. “Hey, don’t worry about it. It happens.”

Jared chuckled nervously. “It’s. . .uh. . .it’s been a while.”

“It’s okay, Jared, really.”

“At least let me do something for you,” Jared murmured and stroked a hand over Jensen’s chest, feeling the muscles twitch as his hand moved down between Jensen’s legs. Jensen caught hold of him and pulled his hand back up and settled it over his heart.

“I’m good.” Jensen pressed a kiss to his shoulder and slung an arm over Jared’s chest. “I know you’re tired. Besides, we’ve got all day tomorrow to try again. Now how about we try and get some sleep so that you’re all rested up for that.”

Jared blinked in the dark and wondered just exactly which deity he’d pleased to have deserved someone like Jensen.

“Yeah,” he finally said with a soft smile. “Tomorrow.”

It took him a while to relax and stop thinking about what had just happened, even though Jensen was slumbering quietly beside him and seemed content enough. He was suddenly struck with the cold, awful fear that he was going to do something to mess this up. What if the sex never got any better than this? What if the distance thing became a problem?

When he eventually did fall asleep he dreamed that he’d lost Jensen and when he tried to run to look for him, his legs fell off. 

* * *

When he woke up to sunlight filtering in through the curtains, he realised he was really uncomfortable. His left arm was numb and he badly needed to piss. The problem was, the reason his arm was numb was because Jensen was lying on it and he looked so damn peaceful that Jared couldn’t bring himself to move.

So he lay there, bladder aching and arm growing more numb by the minute, and studied Jensen’s face. He hadn’t had the opportunity to look at him close up before. Jensen had eyelashes that some of Jared’s female friends would kill for, and a spattering of freckles across his nose and cheeks which just made him look adorable.

“I can feel you staring at me,” Jensen murmured sleepily as his mouth quirked up into a small smile. “What time is it?”

Jared glanced over Jensen’s shoulder to the clock on the nightstand. “Still early. You should go back to sleep.”

Jensen let out another little murmur and fell still again. Jared took the opportunity, while Jensen was still kind of awake, to extract his arm.

“Just going to the bathroom,” he said and slipped out of bed.

Of course, as soon as Harley and Sadie heard movement they came running and when Jared got out of the bathroom he found two sets of brown eyes looking at him expectantly.

“Fine,” he sighed. “But we’re making this quick.”

He grabbed his robe from the hook on the bathroom door and padded down the stairs. He filled the dogs’ bowls with food and left them to eat while he headed back upstairs.

Jensen let out a small whimper as Jared slipped back into bed. “Your feet are cold.”

“Sorry,” Jared whispered. “I had to let the dogs out.”

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to warm you up then.” Jensen cracked one eye open and smirked at him. Jared grinned as Jensen rolled over so that they were facing each other and then dipped his head forward to kiss him.

Jensen’s hand brushed over Jared’s stomach, moving down to his cock.

Jared sucked a breath in through his teeth as Jensen stroked him, painfully slowly.

“Let me fuck you,” Jensen whispered and the only thing Jared was capable of doing was nodding his head. He wanted this, of course he did, but after last night he was worried it was all going to go horribly wrong again and Jensen would go running for the hills.

“There’s stuff in the drawer,” he finally managed to croak but it was all the prompting Jensen needed. He leaned over and pulled out a condom and a small bottle of lube.

Jared rolled onto his front without needing to be asked. His cock was pressing into his stomach now but he knew his leg wasn’t up to him getting onto his knees. He kind of didn’t care how uncomfortable it was, actually. He just wanted to feel Jensen inside him.

“I’ll try not to hurt you,” Jensen whispered, his warm breath tickling Jared’s ear as he leaned in close. “Tell me if your leg starts to bother you.”

Jared really didn’t give a shit about his leg right now.

When Jensen slid a finger into him Jared let out a small groan. Fuck, it really had been a long time.

“Does that feel good?” Jensen asked as he slid a second finger into Jared.

The best Jared could manage was a strangled moan.

“I’m just getting to the good part,” Jensen promised and Jared had to bite down on his lip to stop himself from crying out.

Finally Jensen pressed into him, easing himself in slowly, and Christ it felt good. Jared had been way too used to jerking off as his only method of release. He’d forgotten how good it felt to have another person with him like this, and the fact that it was Jensen just made it perfect.

“You okay?” Jensen asked and Jared nodded his head.

“Don’t stop.”

As Jensen started to slowly thrust Jared almost screamed at him to go faster, but at the same time he wanted this to last.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this,” Jensen moaned as he increased momentum. 

Jared bucked against him. “Me too,” he grunted.

As Jensen pounded into him, Jared found himself stripped of all thoughts beyond how good this felt. Right then he wanted nothing more than to grab hold of Jensen and demand that he stay here forever.

He came with a strangled cry and a few moments later Jensen collapsed on top of him. Jared didn’t even care about the weight crushing him.

After a couple of minutes Jensen eased out of him and rolled onto his side, tossing the used condom into the trash.

“You okay?” he whispered between ragged gasps, and all Jared could do was nod.

He pulled Jensen close to him and for a few minutes they just lay there, listening to each other breathe.

“Well,” Jensen finally said. “Not that I didn’t enjoy last night but that was better.”

Jared snorted a laugh. “Yeah, it was.”

“We should definitely do that again some time.”

“Definitely.” Jared agreed. “Soon.”

“Maybe we should get up,” Jensen suggested.

“Maybe we should take a shower first.”

Jensen lifted his head and grinned. “That sounds like a pretty awesome idea.”

So, when they eventually had enough energy to move they stumbled into the bathroom and fucked for the second time under the warm water of the shower stream.

This was pretty much the best day Jared had ever had, and it was only 11am.

* * *

“So, what do you want to do today?” Jared asked when they finally made it downstairs for coffee and breakfast. “Apart from the obvious.”

Jensen’s lips quirked into a smile. “Hey, I didn’t say anything.”

“Oh, so you weren’t thinking what I was thinking then?”

“I didn’t say that.”

Jared chuckled and loaded the breakfast dishes into the sink. “We should probably go out for a couple of hours at least, even if it’s just to walk the dogs.”

“Yeah, I can probably keep my hands to myself for that long,” Jensen replied. “Hey, maybe we could go to the library. I’d love to see where you work.”

“Really?” Jared frowned. “It’s just a library. It’s pretty boring.”

“Not to me,” Jensen replied. “I love books, and I’d like to see it so I can imagine you there when you’re texting me because you’re bored.”

“Okay,” Jared shrugged. “If you’re really interested we can do that.”

“Great!”

* * *

“You’re Jensen?”

Jared could tell that Jeff was trying not to laugh and he was really starting to think that coming here was a bad idea.

“Let me guess,” Jensen smiled. “You were expecting someone with boobs? I’ve had that a lot this weekend. A guy could get a complex.”

Jeff chuckled. “Well, it’s nice to put a face to the name at least, even if you do have questionable taste in books.”

Here it came. Jared should have expected it really. Jeff couldn’t help himself. Lecturing people about what he thought they should be reading was like some sort of pre-programmed function.

Jensen, however, simply shrugged. “I appreciate the Supernatural books aren’t to everyone’s tastes but I like to balance out my reading.”

He picked up a book that Jeff had been reading when they’d come in. “Take this, for example. You’ve got the overriding theme of socialism in post-war Britain but underneath that you’ve got an examination of the nature of evil. That’s not so different to Sam and Dean facing down the forces of Heaven and Hell.”

Jeff blinked at him. “You’ve read Sarah Waters?”

“I preferred _The Night Watch_ to _The Littlest Stranger_.”

Jeff’s face broke out into a grin and Jared couldn’t help but smile. It was the first time, ever, he’d seen his boss rendered speechless when it came to the subject of literature.

“How about I go and get us some coffees,” he suggested and when he left Jensen and Jeff were locked in a deep conversation about the novels of Kazuo Ishiguro.

* * *

“What?”

Jared hadn’t been able to stop staring at Jensen since they’d left the library and it seemed that Jensen had finally noticed.

“Nothing,” Jared replied as they walked back to the house.

“No, come on, it’s something. You keep staring at me.”

As soon as they were through the front door Jared pounced, pinning Jensen to the wall. “It’s you. Jesus, Jensen, do you have any idea how hot it was listening to you talk to Jeff about homosexuality in the Victorian era?”

Jensen’s eyes darkened and his tongue snaked out to wet his lips. “Shit, Jared, if I’d known literary criticism was such a big turn on I’d have started talking about the symbolic use of color hours ago.”

Jared kissed him.

“Upstairs,” he growled.

Jensen, thankfully, didn’t need telling twice.

* * *

“You don’t need to go back to Texas, right?” Jared said softly as he and Jensen lay in a sweaty tangled mess in his bed.

“I kind of don’t want to,” Jensen murmured. “But I’m booked on a flight that leaves in a few hours and I have to work tomorrow.”

Of course Jared had known this was only going to be for a couple of days, but that had been before he’d met Jensen in person. Everything was different now, and he sure as hell didn’t want to let him go.

“Just promise you’ll come back soon.”

Jensen nodded and pressed a kiss to his throat. “You’ll have to come and visit me, too. Get a taste of home.”

Jared couldn’t stop the smirk from spreading over his face. “Well, there’s definitely something I want to get a taste of.”

“You’re insatiable.” Jensen chuckled.

They lay there for a few more minutes and Jared just listened to the sound of Jensen breathing. It had been so long since he’d shared a bed with someone that he’d kind of forgotten what it was like. Now he wasn’t sure if he’d ever get used to sleeping alone again.

“We should eat,” he finally said, even though he _really_ didn’t want to move.

Jensen let out a soft murmur which Jared took to be a noise of agreement but he didn’t actually do anything but nuzzle closer.

“Or we could stay here.”

Jensen nodded his head against Jared’s shoulder. “I like that plan.”

Jared kind of did too.

* * *

They hovered in front of the departure board, watching Jensen’s flight slowly make its way up the list. It wouldn’t be long now before he had to go to his gate and Jared was really trying to rein in the urge to grab hold of him and make a scene.

“So, I’ll talk to you on MSN?” Jensen asked. “And I’ll text you when I land.”

Jared nodded. “Hey, if you have any good fic ideas on the plane make sure you write them down or you’ll forget them.”

“Got it.”

Jensen’s gate flashed up on the board. It was time for him to go.

Jared pulled him into a crushing hug. “It was great to finally meet you in person.”

“You too.” Jensen pulled back from the hug and kissed him. “We’ll do this again soon, I promise.”

Reluctantly Jared let Jensen go after giving him one final kiss. “Yeah, soon.”

“Bye,” Jensen said, eyes filled with sadness even though he was clearly trying to smile.

“Bye,” Jared repeated sadly.

He had no idea how soon ‘soon’ actually was, but as Jensen walked away he already felt like a part of him was missing.

He waved as Jensen turned back for one last glimpse and tried not to think about the empty bed that would be waiting for him when he got home.

* * *

_Just landed. No major problems. I miss you. J_

_I miss you too. Talk to you soon. J2_

“Is this too soon?”

Jared smiled. His phone had started ringing less than five minutes after he’d replied to Jensen’s text.

“Yeah, it is, but lucky for you I don’t mind. Where are you? How was the flight?”

“Boring. Made me wish for a possessed passenger just to liven things up a bit.”

Jared chuckled. “That’s kinda twisted, dude.” 

They fell into silence for a couple of minutes and Jared just listened to Jensen breathing. The house felt empty without him and at least when Jensen was on the phone like this Jared could sort of pretend he was still here.

“You really need to come out here soon,” Jensen finally said softly.

“I want to,” Jared replied. “I will. As soon as I can get the money together for the flights.”

It really sucked that his job wasn’t exactly the best paid in the world. He had enough to live on with a little bit spare each month, but not enough that he could just jump on a plane to Texas whenever he felt like it.

“You know I could. . .”

“No,” Jared interrupted. “I mean, it’s awesome of you to offer but I want to pay my own way.”

“Got it,” Jensen replied and Jared was grateful that he didn’t press the issue.

“I’m coming up to my place now,” Jensen said after a couple more minutes. “Talk to you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Jared replied. “I’ll be online as soon as I get in from work but you can text me during the day if you want.”

“You know I will. It’ll keep us from both going nuts from boredom.”

Jared chuckled softly. “Yeah, you got that right.”

“So. . .I guess I’ll say goodnight then. I had an awesome weekend.”

“Me too,” Jared replied quietly. “Goodnight, Jensen.”

“Goodnight, Jared.”

“Goodnight, John-Boy.”

Jensen snorted. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Okay, speak to you then.”

It was only after they’d both hung up that Jared realised just how badly he’d wanted to tell Jensen that he loved him. One hot weekend and he was turning into a girl.

* * *

Jeff snorted as soon as Jared got into work the next morning. “You know he’s too good for you, right?”

“Yeah,” Jared smiled. “I’ve been telling myself that.”

“Well, at least he’s got good taste in books. Maybe some of it will rub off on you.”

Jared rolled his eyes and flipped Jeff off before heading to the back of the library to archive some books.

_Jeff says you’re too good for me. J2._

A couple of minutes later he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

_Damn right I am. Lucky for you I have low standards. J_

His phone buzzed again before he could reply.

_Just kidding. You know you’re amazing, right? How are you anyway? Not too bored I hope. J_

Jared tapped out a reply quickly before Jeff caught him.

_Surviving. Wish you were here though. Anything interesting happening on LJ? J2_

_Not a lot really. J_

Jeff called him back before he could reply and he found himself with a stack of cataloguing to do. He’d just have to wait until he got home.

It was one of the longest afternoons he’d known.

* * *

**Jared:** Dude! When I asked you if anything interesting had happened on LJ you didn’t think to mention the Hunting Things convention that was announced?  
 **Jensen:** Well, I figured you’d see it when you got home. So, you’re interested in that, are you?  
 **Jared:** Hell yes! And it’s in Dallas so it’s practically on your doorstep. We have to go to this.  
 **Jensen:** I dunno.  
 **Jared:** What? Why?  
 **Jensen:** Come on, man. You’ve seen what some of these fans get like. They’re nuts. Do you really want to spend a weekend cooped up in some hotel with a bunch of crazies who think Sam and Dean are screwing each other?  
 **Jared:** It’ll be fun! We can laugh at them and stuff. Besides, we know plenty of people on LJ who are awesome. Come on, we have to go.  
 **Jensen:** I’ll think about it, okay?

Jared frowned. He knew Jensen well enough to know when to not push things but he honestly couldn’t see why Jensen was being so weird about it. They spent ages talking about the Supernatural books when they were online and, yeah, Jensen had talked about some of the other fans being a little crazy. Honestly, though, Jared just thought that spending a weekend with people who had similar interests to him would be fun. Maybe it was just because before he got online he’d never actually met anyone with similar interests.

Still, Jensen had said he would think about it and Jared wasn’t so ridiculously co-dependent that he couldn’t go by himself if he had to. It would just be more fun if Jensen was there.

* * *

He was screwed. He’d been through his paperwork a dozen times and even with his medical insurance there was still no way he could afford to go to Dallas for the convention. He wasn’t flat-out broke but he just didn’t have the money to spare on flights and all the other stuff, even if he stayed at Jensen’s place instead of the hotel.

It sucked.

He decided not to mention it to Jensen and hope he just forgot about it, because talking about his money problems was just way too embarrassing. Instead he let things drift on as they had before. They wrote together and planned fics when Jared got home from work and during the day they texted each other.

It wasn’t the same as being with Jensen in person, though. Nothing could compare with that, and every day that went by the disappointment weighed on him a little more heavily.

Until he could get together the money to visit Jensen he’d just have to make do with the alternatives, and an idea came to him one day when he was re-reading _My Bloody Valentine_ on his lunch break.

“What are you wearing?” he rasped down the phone when he called Jensen that evening.

Jensen snorted. “Jeans and a t-shirt. I feel real sexy.”

Jared sighed. He’d never done anything like this before and Jensen wasn’t exactly making it easy.

“I’m in bed,” he tried again. “I thought I’d have an early night but I couldn’t sleep without hearing your voice first.”

He heard Jensen draw in a breath and he knew that he had him.

“You know, this bed is awful big without you in it with me,” he continued. “I’m all spread out.”

“You wearing anything?” Jensen asked, voice low and rough.

“No,” Jared replied. “I just wish you were here with me.”

“I wish I was there too, touching you. You have no idea what your body does to me.”

Jared was already hard, just listening to Jensen’s voice. “Where would you touch me?”

“I’d start with that sensitive spot just below your ear, and I’d lean in close so you could feel my breath tickling your cheek before I flicked out my tongue just enough for you to feel it on your neck.”

Jared’s eyes drifted shut as he imagined Jensen in bed with him, touching him and licking him. His hand drifted down to his cock.

“Don’t touch!” Jensen instructed and Jared’s eyes snapped open. Could he see him?

“I know you want to,” Jensen continued, “but wait. I promise it’ll be good.”

“Okay,” Jared croaked. Considering this had been his idea of a way to seduce Jensen it kind of seemed to be going the other way around now.

“I’d move lower after that, teasing your nipples with my teeth in that way I know you like.”

Jared let out a soft moan.

“Do you like that?”

“Yeah,” Jensen groaned, voice thick with desire as he imagined Jensen’s mouth on his body. “Christ, Jensen.”

“Then I’d stroke my hands along the inside of your thighs. I know you’re hard for me, Jared.”

Jared whimpered. “Jensen, please.”

“Do you want to touch yourself?”

Jared nodded. “Yeah.”

“Okay, I want you to imagine I’m there with you and that I’m touching you. Gently, though. Slowly.”

He reached a hand between his legs and slowly stroked it up and down his length.

“Does it feel good?” Jensen asked. “Tell me how it makes you feel.”

“It makes me feel hot,” Jared groaned as he continued to stroke himself. “God, Jensen, I want you.”

“I’m right there with you. Don’t stop.”

He increased momentum, pumping himself hard and fast until he came. As he lay there, panting and sticky, he realised with a pang just how damn lonely he felt. He’d never realised what a solitary life he’d led before Jensen.

“You okay?” Jensen asked, sounding worried when Jared didn’t say anything for a few minutes.

“Yeah,” Jared sniffed. “I just. . . I really miss you.”

Jensen sighed. “I know. Me too.”

He paused for a moment and then sighed again. “We really need to meet up again soon. I can come to you if you can’t come here.”

“I’d love that. You know I would. But I can’t let you pay to fly over all the time. It’s not fair.”

“Yeah, well, maybe it’s up to me what I do with my own money,” Jensen shot back. 

“How about we talk about it tomorrow? I’m tired.” Jared was determined to talk Jensen out of it, because it really wasn’t fair for Jensen to keep spending his money, even if he wanted to and even if Jared desperately wanted to see him.

“Yeah, okay,” Jensen agreed.

“Hey, Jensen,” Jared said softly. “Can I ask you something a bit weird?”

“Sure.”

“Will you stay on the phone until I fall asleep?”

“Of course.”

It didn’t take long. Jared was drained and just imagining Jensen lying beside him had him falling asleep with a smile on his face.

* * *

“You know that look on your face is enough to put anyone off reading for the rest of their lives.”

Jared shook his head, snapped out of yet more plans for how he could get the money together in time to visit Jensen for the Supernatural convention. So far the only thing he’d really managed to come up with was selling a non-vital organ.

“Jared?”

He realised Misha had been talking to him and he forced a smile into place. “Sorry, what?”

Misha sighed. “You know, I kind of preferred it when you were sad and lonely rather than sex-starved and moping.”

“I’m not moping,” Jared protested.

“Really? How many times have you texted him this morning?”

Jared’s hand fisted around the phone in his pocket and Misha must have caught the movement because he grinned.

“Can I ask you something?” Misha asked, the smile melting away from his face almost as quickly as it had slid into place. It kind of creeped Jared out. He wasn’t used to seeing Misha serious.

“Sure, I guess.”

“Why are you still here?”

Jared blinked. “What?”

“I mean, what’s keeping you here?” Misha asked. “You’ve got a job you could do in any town or city.”

“Are you saying I should go and live with Jensen? Dude, I’ve only met him in person once. That’s nuts.”

“Sometimes once is all it takes,” Misha shrugged.

“Yeah, well, it’s not that easy.” He didn’t mean to snap but there was something about Misha’s easy smile and the carefree way he leaned on the counter that bugged the hell out of him. “We can’t all just go off wherever we feel like it whenever we feel like it. There’s this bitch of a thing called real life, you know.”

“All things that can be overcome,” Misha replied with that same annoying smile, and without another word he picked up his books and left.

Jared sighed and glanced at his phone. No messages.

* * *

“What’s this?”

Misha had turned up in the library at his usual time, only instead of carrying books he had an envelope which he’d pushed across the counter at Jared.

“Open it and you’ll see.”

He picked up the envelope with an air of suspicion. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Misha, it was just you never knew what you were going to get with him. After opening it carefully, he read over the contents and read over them again because he was sure he wasn’t reading it right.

“Dude, I can’t accept this.”

“Why not?”

Jared pushed the envelope back across the counter. “Why not? You just gave me a plane ticket to Dallas. I can’t accept it. I wouldn’t let Jensen pay for me to go so I sure as hell can’t accept it from you, especially after everything you’ve done for me already.”

“I loaned you a computer and walked your dogs while you had a broken leg. It’s hardly a big deal.”

Misha pushed the envelope back towards him.

“Maybe not,” Jared conceded, “but plane tickets are a fucking big deal, man.”

“Do you have any idea how much travelling I do?” Misha asked, ignoring the envelope that was now on his side of the desk. “I’ve built up a hell of a lot of air miles. Seriously, this didn’t cost me a thing. Besides, I can’t return the tickets now so unless you know someone else who wants to go to Dallas I suggest you take them.”

He pushed the tickets back over and Jared was almost embarrassed to find his eyes stinging with tears.

“I already checked with your boss that you’re good to have the time off,” Misha continued. “And I know you mentioned that convention thing you wanted to do at the same time. So go, have fun, fuck Jensen’s brains out.”

“I don’t get why you’re doing this,” Jared said as he picked up the envelope and read over it again. “Are you even for real?”

“Some do question it.”

By the time Jared was done reading, Misha was gone again. Really, his life was too weird.

* * *

His leg jiggled nervously as he took his seat on the plane, and not for the first time he wondered whether his idea to surprise Jensen was a good one or not. A lot of people hated surprises.

He knew Jensen was going to be at the convention because Jared had pretty much begged him to go and report back on everything Joshua Mackenzie said. In fact, he’d pretty much sworn to never have sex with Jensen again unless he got him a signed copy of one of the books.

So, really, he just had to hope Jensen wasn’t one of those people that hated surprises.

He sat back and stretched out his legs, or tried to at least. He’d been quite lucky and the plane wasn’t full so he’d been able to get a seat with extra legroom. Even with the extra space he was still kind of cramped.

At least he had a window seat so he was able to watch the ground slowly disappear until all he could see was cloud. He actually kind of liked flying, even with the space issues, but of course what he was really looking forward to was seeing Jensen again. It had only been a few weeks since they’d spent the weekend together but it felt like so much longer. And he had the Supernatural convention too. This really was going to be the most awesome weekend ever.

He sat back, put his iPod on and flicked through to a Supernatural fanmix someone on the livejournal community had made for those going to the convention. He had to smile when Metallica came on and he imagined how Dean would hate to be on this plane. Then he wondered if, when Castiel zapped Dean places, it felt like flying. Five minutes later he was scribbling some ideas down in a notebook and smiling at the thought that he’d be able to discuss them with Jensen in person later that day.

* * *

The hotel where the convention was taking place wasn’t too far from the airport and Jared was glad there was a free shuttle bus running. Even with the free plane tickets money was kind of tight after he’d paid for the convention tickets, so he really had to hope that Jensen didn’t mind him crashing at his place for the weekend.

He smiled when, as soon as he got into the lobby, a huge banner proclaimed ‘Dallas Welcomes Supernatural Fans.’ He already felt like he belonged here.

He picked up his ticket and welcome pack and made his way into the main conference room where the introduction was due to start fairly soon. Because he’d booked so late he was seated pretty much right at the back but he didn’t care. He was just glad to be here. So long as he got to hear Joshua talk and got his copy of Mystery Spot signed, he didn’t really care what else happened at the convention.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and wondered whether he should call Jensen now or wait until there was a gap in the schedule. He could see pretty much over everyone else’s heads and he didn’t see anyone that looked like him.

Before he could call to announce he was here, though, the MC got up on stage and welcomed everyone.

“I’m really excited to be here, as I’m sure you guys are too. You’ve all got your program of events so I won’t run through that now. If you’ve got any questions, just ask one of our volunteers. Now, who wants to hear a few words from our guest of the weekend?”

Jared found himself actually trembling with excitement. Joshua Mackenzie was about to come on stage. The man who Jared had idolized for the last five years. The man who had created the world that Jared had lost himself in for so many hours of his life.

“I’m pretty sure I don’t need to introduce him,” the MC continued. “He’s the reason we’re all here, after all. Ladies and gentlemen, Joshua Mackenzie.”

The crowd erupted into cheers and squeals and applause as a man took to the stage and Jared craned his neck to get a better view. He’d spent more than a few hours wondering what Joshua Mackenzie looked like and in his head he was a balding guy in his forties.

“Hey, everyone,” a laid back voice rang out through the microphone. “I just want to thank you all for coming and for enjoying the books enough to make this possible. I never even imagined anything like this when I started out. So, I hope you enjoy yourselves and I’ll talk to you over the weekend.”

Jared heard the words, sort of, but mostly all he heard was a ringing in his ears while a cold shock slowly worked its way through his body.

Jensen was on the stage. Jensen was talking to the crowd.

Jensen Ackles was Joshua Mackenzie

And right now Jared wanted to throw up.

He couldn’t do anything but sit there as Jensen flashed a warm smile at the crowd. The same smile Jensen had greeted him with when they’d first met at the airport, and when Jensen waved and left the stage it was the same wave he’d used to say goodbye to Jared. 

As everyone moved out of the conference room amid excited chatter, Jared found he couldn’t move. A million thoughts rushed through his head in a jumbled mess and he couldn’t keep up with any of them.

That hadn’t just happened, right? He was still on the plane and having some sort of really fucked up dream. It was pretty much the only explanation for what he’d just seen.

He pinched himself on the arm. Hard.

It hurt, but apart from that nothing changed.

“Excuse me,” a voice called and Jared blinked out of his thoughts to see a young girl looking at him expectantly. “Sorry, but we need to clear the room so we can arrange things for the autograph session.”

Autographs. Right. Autographs that Jensen would be signing.

“Sorry,” he muttered and stumbled out of the room.

He should call Jensen. He knew that. He should call Jensen and have it out with him right now. The problem was he had no idea how to put into words what he was feeling, which was kind of ironic given the amount of writing he’d done in the past few months.

Writing of fanfiction. Fanfiction he’d also written with Jensen. Shit, this was just too messed up. He’d written Supernatural fanfiction with the author of the Supernatural books.

It made his head hurt just thinking about it.

There was already a line forming for Jensen’s autograph and Jared found himself herded along until he was in the middle of it. He should have just walked away, but the part of him that hurt the most wanted to make Jensen as uncomfortable as possible in a room full of fans.

In fact, the longer he thought about it the more mad he got at Jensen for screwing around with him like this. He could just imagine Jensen sitting in front of his computer, laughing every time Jared got excited about the books. This whole thing must have been nothing but a joke to him.

He was already imagining a spinoff book about Chuck and Becky based on this whole thing. Shit, what if it had been research?

The thoughts were rushing in his head and the sickness had flared up in his stomach again. It just got worse when the line finally started to move.

“What are you getting him to sign?” the guy in front of Jared asked as they slowly shuffled forwards.

It took him a moment to even remember and he fumbled in his bag for a minute before pulling out a very battered copy of _Mystery Spot_. It was his favourite of all the books and he’d lost count of the number of times he’d read it. He was amazed it was still in one piece actually.

“Good choice,” the guy replied. “That’s one of my favourites. I’m getting _Tall Tales_ signed, though, because it’s the Trickster’s first appearance.”

Jared nodded his head, only half listening. He was still trying to work out what he was going to say to Jensen when he got to him. But listening to the guy talk about the Trickster reminded him of the _Changing Channels_ fic he’d written which had been how he’d first spoken to Jensen properly in the first place.

God, he was such an idiot.

“I’m Gabe,” the guy said, holding out his hand for Jared to shake.

Jared couldn’t help but smile as he shook his hand. “Gabe as in Gabriel? Is that why you like the Trickster so much?”

Gabe shrugged. “That was just an awesome bonus.”

They were back inside the main room now and Jared could see Jensen at the far end greeting everyone with a warm smile and a handshake. He clutched the book tightly, his knuckles turning white as they continued to move forward at an agonisingly slow pace.

“Are you okay?” Gabe asked with concern. “You look kind of pale.”

Jared silently nodded and kept his eyes locked on Jensen who was getting closer and closer each time they moved.

“It’s okay to be nervous,” Gabe said with a reassuring pat to Jared’s arm. “I’m kind of nervous too. Everyone says he’s really nice, though.”

And that was the thing. Jensen _was_ nice. Even through all the lies and deception, Jared was still pretty sure Jensen hadn’t been faking everything. How could he? Even if it was research for a book or one of the other endless possibilities Jared had run through in his head, nothing had said Jensen had to sleep with him. Maybe Jensen really did like him?

That tiny bit of hope that Jared clung to was the only thing keeping him sane. They were almost at the front of the line now and part of Jared wanted to just run and never look back.

Gabe stepped forward and handed over his book. Jared couldn’t hear what Jensen was saying but he was still smiling and making eye contact. He seemed genuinely interested in making conversation with everyone he met and Jared was reminded of how easily Jensen had won over both Misha and Jeff.

That only made things harder.

He watched as Gabe shook Jensen’s hand and moved on. It was his turn now.

He took a deep breath and stepped forward.

Jensen’s smile fell away as soon as his eyes met Jared’s, and his face turned a sickly white. Jared took some small amount of satisfaction in that as his face twisted into a sneer while he handed his book over. “I’m a huge fan, _Joshua_.”

Jensen opened his mouth and for a second Jared thought he was going to say something, but then Jensen apparently thought better of it and lowered his eyes so he could scribble a signature inside the book.

“Well, I’m having an awesome time,” Jared said as Jensen slid the book over to him. “How about you?”

As he shoved the book back into his bag, he waited to see what Jensen was going to say. He desperately wanted Jensen to say something, anything, even if it was more lies.

Nothing came.

Jensen was just staring at him, face wracked with guilt and a silent apology shining in his eyes but nothing coming from his lips. 

This was a mistake. Jared should have just left as soon as he found out who Jensen really was. He nodded his head and walked away, barely hearing the muttered curse come from Jensen’s lips.

He made it just outside the hotel before he stopped, the hot, dry Texan air burning him but reminding him of home at the same time. He really wanted to see his family more than anything right now but he had no way to get to them.

That was when he realised he had a pretty huge problem. His flight back to LA didn’t leave until Monday and he’d been relying on staying with Jensen because he couldn’t afford a hotel room.

Now he was stranded.

So he stood there, heat seeping into his skin as he tried to figure out what to do. He couldn’t call Misha, not after he’d done so much for him already, and Jeff wasn’t exactly loaded. The best bet was calling his folks. San Antonio was about a four hour drive away but he knew his dad would make the trip if the only alternative was Jared sleeping on a bench. The problem was, Jared would actually prefer to sleep on a bench than admit to his parents that he met a guy on the internet who turned out to be a liar.

A hand came to rest on his arm and he stiffened and pulled away.

“Shouldn’t you be signing autographs for your adoring fans?” he sighed, not even bothering to turn around. Part of him couldn’t even look at Jensen now.

“I told them I needed a break,” Jensen said quietly. “Jared, please don’t go. I never meant for you to find out like this.”

Jared grimaced. It sounded like a cliché from a crappy soap opera. Jensen apparently realised how lame he sounded and let go of Jared’s arm with a sigh.

“Look, I’m an ass, okay? The whole internet thing started off as just a bit of fun, lurking and seeing what people were saying about the books. But then I got involved and I started using fanfic to tell the stories my publishers vetoed, and then I met you. You need to know that what I felt for you. . .what I feel for you, I mean. That’s real.”

Jared turned around slowly to find Jensen looking contrite and hopeful and a huge part of him wanted to forgive him right there on the spot. Then he remembered how many times he’d discussed what he thought was going to happen in the books with Jensen and realised what an idiot he must have looked.

“I don’t even know who you are,” he said stiffly, taking a step back.

Jensen’s face fell. “Yeah, you do. You know me better than anyone else, Jared. I’ve told you things I’ve never told anyone else.”

“You told me you were a physical therapist!”

“I was! That was what I trained to do at college and it was my job until I got into the writing. It started out as a hobby and then just kind of took off. I can still give an awesome massage.”

He flashed Jared a smile but that just made him even angrier.

“Dude, it’s not a joke! Look, I’m sorry, but I can’t do this. It’s too weird. I feel like I don’t know you. Just. . . I need time to think.”

He pushed past him and headed back into the hotel. He really needed a drink.

* * *

The beer didn’t do much to help but the quiet did. Most of the bar was empty and Jared figured that most people were off stalking Jensen or whatever.

He was still trying to make sense of it all in his head but the point he kept coming back to was the sheer number of times he’d gone into total fanboy mode with Jensen over the Supernatural books. No matter what else happened he could never look Jensen in the eye again after that. Even if he forgave Jensen and they got serious there was no way they could be equals in the relationship when Jensen was an internationally famous author and Jared wrote fanfic using his characters. It was ridiculous.

He motioned to the bartender for another beer. If he was going to blow the last of his cash he may as well do it drunk so he didn’t care so much.

His phone beeped in his pocket and he ignored it, pretty sure that it was Jensen coming up with more excuses and apologies. He didn’t doubt that Jensen was sorry, but that wasn’t going to make Jared trust him and he still couldn’t get his head around the fact that he’d pretty much had sex with a stranger. Several times.

His phone beeped again and he sighed, pulling it out of his pocket with every intention of turning it off when he saw that both messages were from Misha.

_How’s it going? I’m not going to have to bail you out of jail for kidnapping a writer am I? – Misha._

_I’m going to assume from your lack of reply that you’re either in jail as predicted or you’re so disgustingly engrossed with Jensen that you’re ignoring your messages. I’ll see you when you get home – Misha._

He had no idea why Misha always signed his text messages like that when his phone told him who they were from. It was just another one of Misha’s little odd quirks that Jared actually found kind of endearing. It was weird how Misha had gone from being ‘that slightly eccentric guy’ to one of his closest friends in just a few months, and the thing was that even though Misha seemed crazy he was actually pretty damn smart and perceptive.

He hit the button to call Misha back. He wasn’t going to ask for help, well, not help with money at least, but he needed to talk to someone who knew Jensen.

“How much is the bail money?” Misha asked when he answered the phone and Jared couldn’t stop the laugh that burst from his lips. It was either that or cry and, contrary to what Jeff told him, he wasn’t that much of a girl.

“Unless jail has comfortable chairs and a bar, I think I’m good,” Jared replied.

There was a pause.

“Something’s happened,” Misha said softly and the gentle tone of his voice almost broke Jared.

“I’m fine,” he replied. “I have beer.”

Misha was silent at the other end of the line. That wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Misha was supposed to tell him some sort of dumbass story about going on strike in France and make him forget all about Jensen. The silence was just making him think about it even more.

“So, it turns out Jensen has been lying to me the whole time,” he finally blurted out.

He heard Misha let out a breath. “Is he married?”

“No.”

“Did he neglect to mention he had kids? Or some sort of disgusting venereal disease?”

“Dude, that’s gross. No.”

“Was he screwing around with someone behind your back?”

“No.”

“Shit, he didn’t kill someone, did he?”

Okay, now he was getting pretty tired of the ‘guess what terrible crime Jensen committed’ game.

“It doesn’t matter what he did,” he sighed. “It’s over. I can’t trust him anymore.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Jared repeated. “I call you for advice and all you can say is okay?”

“Yeah,” Misha said and Jared could almost hear him shrug down the phone. “Look, you just need to think of it like this. Either Jensen did something so bad you can’t forgive him, and you move on and cut him out of your life forever. Or you let him apologise, talk it out and let him fuck you senseless in the best makeup sex you’ll ever have, and you move on.”

Jared sighed. “It’s not that simple.”

“Yeah, it is.”

Maybe it was.

“Look, I should go,” Jared said as he pushed his half finished beer away. He really wasn’t thirsty anymore. “Thanks for the advice.”

“Any time,” Misha replied. “Call me if you need any further words of wisdom.”

He hung up without saying goodbye.

So Jared needed to make a choice. He thought about Jensen, and what his life had been like before they’d met. He thought about the rush he’d got from planning stories with Jensen, from chatting about the things he loved, about how he’d been totally open with someone for the first time in forever.

Yes, Jensen had lied to him about what he really did for a job but was that really such a big deal? Part of Jared kind of understood it. He’d spent the whole of his time in LA never really being able to be himself and talk about the things he really enjoyed. That was part of the reason he loved Jensen so much, for bringing him the freedom to be himself. Was it so crazy to think that Jensen might have been looking for the same thing?

He grabbed his bag, mind made up, and went in search of Jensen. It didn’t take long to find him. The conference room was full again and Jensen was clearly in the middle of his question and answer session.

Jared took his seat at the back and listened as someone, Gabe Jared noticed when he craned his neck, got up to ask a question.

“Hi. I was just wondering if you’d read any of the Supernatural fanfiction and what you thought of it.”

An echo of groans rang through the room and Jared couldn’t help but snort. He couldn’t wait to see how Jensen answered this one.

“Well,” Jensen began carefully when the groans had died down. “I do admit that I’ve read one or two. There are some talented writers out there and I want to thank you for keeping the heat off my back between books.”

A few people in the audience cheered and Jensen smiled. “Okay, I think we have time for one more question.”

Jared’s hand shot into the air before he’d even realised he’d done it, and as Jensen’s eyes scanned the crowd they landed on him and he nodded his head. “How about we take a question from the back.”

Jared found himself with a microphone shoved into his hand as he slowly rose to his feet. “Yeah, I have a question about Sam and Dean’s relationship.”

Everyone groaned again.

“Oh, no, not like that,” he quickly added as Jensen watched him with a hopeful smile. “I was just wondering if there was any hope for them. I mean, they seem to have been slowly drifting apart over the last couple of years. Do you think it’s possible for them to fix things and go back to the way they used to be? Do you think they can ever be happy?”

The room was quiet now that everyone had realised that Jared wasn’t talking Sam and Dean screwing each other. All eyes were on Jensen now.

“I think Dean would do anything to get close to his brother again,” Jensen replied softly. “If that’s what Sam wants. What do you think?”

He knew they weren’t talking about the characters and so did Jensen.

“I think Sam wants that too.”

Jared could see the relief wash over Jensen’s face and the tension melt from his shoulders as he smiled and replaced the microphone in the stand.

“Well, I think that’s all we’ve got time for. Thanks, again, for coming everyone and I’ll catch you at the party tonight.”

As soon as Jensen left the stage Jared felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

_Room 1404. J_

Jared had never moved so fast, shoving his way past everyone and diving into the first available elevator.

The journey up seemed to take forever and Jared could barely think straight by the time he got to the right floor.

He’d only just raised his fist to knock on the door when it flew open and for a moment Jared could only stand there, hand still held up.

“Hi,” Jensen finally said, voice soft and tentative.

“Hi.”

He stood there for a moment, just staring at Jensen and drinking in the sight of him. He’d been kidding himself if he’d honestly thought he could walk away from this, from Jensen.

“Do you want to come in?” Jensen asked and stepped back so that Jared could make his way into the room.

The room was incredibly neat, Jared noticed as he moved inside. Nothing was out of place save for a glass of water and a book on the table beside the bed. The latest Ian McEwan, Jared observed. Jeff would be pleased.

“I want to explain,” Jensen said as he followed Jared into the room and sat down on the edge of the bed.

“You don’t have to,” Jared replied and he was surprised to find that he meant it. He honestly didn’t care anymore so long as he and Jensen were together and able to move on.

“Yeah, well, I want to.”

Jared nodded and took a seat in the chair behind him, pulling it forward so he sat opposite Jensen.

“I wanted to tell you, and I know I should have but,” he paused and swallowed “I couldn’t stand the idea of you hating me, or thinking I was a dick, and the longer it went on the harder it was for me to say anything.”

Jared sighed. “I don’t hate you, Jensen. I wouldn’t be here if I did, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re a dick.”

“I am,” Jensen agreed readily. “A dick and an ass. But can you forgive me?”

Jared rose to his feet and crossed over to the bed. “It’s kind of hard to be mad when you’re talking about dick and ass like that. In fact it’s kind of hot.”

Jensen’s mouth turned up into a smile. “Really?”

Jared leaned down and kissed him and it was as though someone had ignited a spark. Jensen moaned and tugged Jared down so that they were both on the bed, still kissing.

“Fuck, I’ve missed this,” Jensen gasped. “I’ve missed touching you.”

“Me too,” Jared replied.

He was already fumbling with Jensen’s shirt, his eagerness to touch him making his hands feel huge and awkward. Jensen batted his hands out of the way and took the shirt off himself before yanking Jared’s t-shirt over his head and tossing it on the floor.

Jared had never moved faster, unzipping his jeans and kicking them off while Jensen did the same. Jensen was back on top of him in moments, kissing Jared as though his very life depended on it.

Except suddenly he stopped and Jared almost whimpered at the loss.

“I don’t have any stuff,” Jensen said, and Jared could feel Jensen’s body trembling. Whether it was from desire or frustration he didn’t know. Maybe both.

“I don’t care,” Jared growled. “Please, Jensen, I need you inside me.”

Really, if Jensen didn’t touch him again soon Jared was pretty sure he was going to combust.

Jensen seemed to think about it for a moment and then he nodded to himself, climbing off the bed and dashing into the bathroom. He came out a minute later with a small bottle in his hand.

“Complimentary hand lotion,” he said as he crawled back onto the bed and slicked up his hand. “We’ll just have to improvise.”

The smell of roses tickled Jared’s nose and he almost sneezed. This stuff was going to make him smell like a girl but right now he really didn’t give a shit, and he certainly didn’t care when Jensen slipped a finger inside him. By the time Jensen was on top of him Jared had forgotten everything including, temporarily, his own name.

“Christ, Jensen,” he panted as Jensen thrust into him. It was rough and fast, fuelled by desperation and longing. Jensen reached around and jerked on Jared’s cock while he pounded him into the mattress.

When he came it was with a strangled cry and a couple of thrusts later Jensen collapsed on top of him and slid off to lie beside him.

“I feel like I should say sorry again,” Jensen murmured as he closed the distance between them and pressed a soft kiss to Jared’s lips.

“Don’t,” Jared replied. “I decided being with you was more important. I just want to forget about it now and move on.”

They lay there for a few minutes, clasping onto each other while their aching bodies relaxed and cooled under the aircon fan.

“Can I ask you something?” Jared asked, propping himself up on one elbow so he could look down at Jensen.

“Anything,” Jensen replied with a soft smile. “No more lying, I swear.”

“Were you really thinking of killing off Bobby?”

Jensen chuckled and pulled Jared back down. “Sorry. I love you but I have a strict no spoiler policy, even when it comes to my boyfriend.”

“Spoilsport,” Jared grumbled even as he smiled as how good it felt hearing himself described as Jensen’s boyfriend. “But I love you too.”

* * *

“Hey, so I’ve been thinking.”

“Never a good thing,” Jared grinned as he lay sprawled on the bed with his phone tucked under his chin. “Unless you’re thinking about the next book which, considering you just came all over your hand, I’m kind of hoping you’re not.”

Jensen chuckled. “I was just thinking it sucks that we only get to see each other a couple of weekends a month.”

“I know,” Jared replied softly.

“And I know we’ve only been doing this long distance thing for a few months but. . .shit. Do you want to move in with me?”

The phone slipped when Jared’s head jerked up in surprise and he had to wipe his hands clean before he could pick it up again.

“Jared?” Jensen’s voice was slightly panicked.

“Yeah, sorry about that. I’m here.”

“Shit, don’t do that to me. I thought you’d hung up or run to the bathroom to throw up or something. I was just saying it doesn’t have to be _living together_ living together. If it’s too fast we could just share a place. Separate bedrooms and everything. Like roommates. It’ll cut out all the travel and if you don’t want to move here I’ll come to LA. I don’t care.”

The words were rushing out so fast Jared was having trouble keeping up with them.

“You seriously think we could live together and have separate bedrooms?”

“I didn’t say we had to use them both.” Jared could practically hear the grin in Jensen’s voice. “Seriously, is this nuts?”

“A little,” Jared admitted. “But that doesn’t mean it’s a bad idea. I kind of want to do this. A lot. I really miss you.”

He heard the sigh of relief whistle down the phone and he smiled. The truth was, he’d been thinking about it too. Maybe not right now, but he’d been considering what they would do when they decided they were ready to start living together.

“Maybe we should go someplace new,” he suggested. “A fresh start for both of us. I dunno.”

“I like that,” Jensen replied. “Got any ideas?”

Jared smirked. “I read that Detroit is one of America’s most underrated gay-friendly cities.”

Jensen groaned. “Dude, seriously, no. We are not moving to the city that’s the site of the final apocalyptic showdown in the books. You have no idea how many times I had to fly out there for research.”

“I was just kidding.”

“How about we come up with a list of five cities each and see if there are any crossovers?”

“Yeah, that’s a better idea. Because you know I’d just suggest all the places you used in your books. Don’t think I didn’t notice that you set _Hell House_ in your home town.”

“Hey, you’ve been here. Hell doesn’t even begin to cover it,” Jensen retorted. “Well, have a think about it and we can chat later. I really need to take a shower.”

Yeah, Jared kind of did too.

“Okay, talk to you soon.”

* * *

“Chicago?”

Jared glanced at his resignation letter which Jeff was holding in his hand and which he half expected Jeff to tear up judging by the look on his face. 

“Jensen and I want to go someplace that’s new for both of us.”

Jeff sighed. “You sure about this? I like the guy and everything but you haven’t known him for that long.”

“I’m sure,” Jared nodded. “But I appreciate you looking out for me.”

Jeff shrugged. “Just make sure you’ve got my number and if anything happens you’ll always have a place to stay here, okay?”

Jeff had never been one for the touchy-feely stuff but Jared couldn’t help himself and he pulled him into a hug. “Thank you.”

Jeff hugged him back. “Just take care of yourself, kid.”

Jared nodded.

“Right, back to work,” Jeff said when he pulled back with a cough. “You still work here for another four weeks and these books aren’t going to file themselves.”

“Yes, boss.”

* * *

The four weeks flew way too fast. Jared spent his days at the library and his nights packing. 

They’d found a nice place out in the suburbs, with a big back garden for Harley, Sadie and Icarus. It was perfect.

“I can’t believe this is my last night here,” he told Misha who had been over most nights to help him pack. They’d moved all the boxes into the living room for the movers and were relaxing with a beer now.

“It’s the start of the next stage of your life,” Misha said sanguinely. “It’s exciting.”

“Yeah,” Jared agreed. “I’m kind of nervous too.”

“Well, that’s to be expected. Just roll with whatever life throws at you, Jared. It’s just a series of obstacles to be overcome.”

“You’ll have to come and visit,” Jared said. “As soon as we’re settled. Seriously, man, I owe you everything.”

“I’ll be there,” Misha replied. “Providing PETA doesn’t get hold of me after the flaming kitten incident.”

Jared laughed. There was nothing else he could say to that, really. “I’m going to miss you, man.”

“Oh, I’m never far away,” Misha promised in that vaguely threatening and creepy way that Jared had learned to ignore.

“Good to know, dude. Good to know.”

* * *

_Six months later_

“Jared, you’re going to be late for work. Again.”

“Uh huh. Just a few more minutes. I’m nearly done.”

_Castiel always left a stillness behind him when he disappeared, like the room needed to take a few seconds to adjust to the lack of his presence. Quite often Sam found those few seconds of silence comforting, but not this time. Now it was just heavy and oppressive and he struggled to breathe as Dean moved over to the door and paused. As soon as he saw the amulet hanging from between Dean’s fingers, hovering over the trashcan, Sam felt something inside him break. He wanted to call out to Dean, beg him to stop, plead forgiveness for things that weren’t even in his control. But the words wouldn’t come._

_The sound the amulet made as it hit the bottom of the trashcan echoed the sound Sam’s heart made as it broke._

Jared closed the manuscript slowly and slid it back onto the kitchen table.

“Jesus, Jensen.”

His eyes were stinging with tears. Again. Every single book did this to him.

Jensen pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Is it okay?”

“Okay? Jensen, my heart feels like it’s been run through a mangler and then stomped on for good measure.”

“Is it too much? Because I could change-“

“No!” Jared quickly snapped. “Don’t change a word. It’s perfect and I know your editor will say the same thing.”

He glanced at the clock. “Shit, I’m late.”

“Well, I did tell you.”

“Hey, I’m the owner of the bookstore,” Jared shrugged. “I’m allowed to be a few minutes late. It’s not like I’m going to fire myself. Besides, I need to tell all my eager customers how awesome the new Joshua Mackenzie is going to be when it hits the shelves.”

“No spoilers,” Jensen warned.

“No spoilers,” Jared agreed.

Jensen handed him a flask. “I made you some coffee. Well, there was some left over from breakfast.”

Jared grinned. “You make an awesome wife.”

“Have a nice day at work, honey. I’ll have dinner on the table when you get home.” Jensen smirked but his face softened and he kissed Jared. “Love you.”

“I love you too. By the way I’m totally going to write a fanfic about what happened when Castiel found Sam and Dean dead.”

“Knock yourself out,” Jensen shot back. “I’ll beta for you.”

It should have been weird but it really wasn’t. In fact Jared could hardly believe how weirded out he’d been when he’d first found out who Jensen really was. They’d fallen back into their old habits pretty quickly. Jared went to work at the bookstore while Jensen worked on his latest novel, they’d have dinner together in the evening and then Jared worked on fanfic while Jensen played his guitar or a video game. They still wrote together sometimes on the condition that Jensen kept what was going to actually happen in the books to himself.

Jared’s life was pretty awesome. He had an amazing house, the perfect boyfriend, his dogs, a job he loved and his fanfiction. He still loved to escape into the world of Sam and Dean, but now there was something worth coming out of it for.

The End.


End file.
